SuperfluousWingspan

Do you exclusively use winking emojis?

When you think in BSL, is it visual (what the sign looks like) or kinesthetic (what it feels like to make the sign)?

I'm not a mental health expert. I do have a PhD though (math) and no one answered you so I'll give it a go. Take any and all of this with several McDonald's servings of salt.

If I'm reading right and you're being just as productive as before, I'm fucking impressed. Just going to put that out there to start.

Regarding feeling trapped, that's going to depend on both you and where you live. Where I live, it's completely reasonable (and healthy) to go outside and take a modestly brief walk (mask suggested, staying at least a road-width away from everyone strongly recommended). Alternatively, setting up times or reasons to videochat with a group of friends can really help you feel more free to connect. I and a group of friends play Magic the Gathering that way now and again.

For feeling overwhelmed and depressed, the best things are probably permission and an outlet to vent. It's reasonable if work doesn't always go as well as you want or need it to. That's allowed to happen sometimes. And hey, if it comes to it, you've got one hell of a reason to ask for an extra semester or the like prior to graduation, though obviously you might not want or need that. Also find someone to vent to that doesn't just say "well, that's grad school for you." Usually other current or former grad students are good picks, as are therapists of course. On that note, see if your school offers free counseling for students. If so, I'd highly suggest it. At worst, it's a venting outlet that's paid to listen to you.

Also, there's the usual gamut of advice for depressive feelings - exercise, sunlight, healthy eating, drinking plenty of water, keeping a clean space, etc. I'm not one to claim any of those are easy or miracle cures, but I'm diagnosed with (anxiety and) depression and they help me when I can make them happen.

As to research hitting us hard? I think there's a lot to it, and I don't understand it nearly well enough to say anything definitively. That said, it is very inherently difficult, just in terms of what's being asked of you as an end product. It's also something that I (and probably many) was not remotely trained or prepared for prior to starting. Coursework just kinda stops at some point and gets replaced with meetings trying to explain what you did or didn't do at home/the lab (for context, no lab/field work here, so I can't speak to that). Suddenly instead of weekly homeworks or even just ~monthly exams like you've had for a couple of decades, you have One Thing, and that One Thing is incomprehensibly large, and the due date for that One Thing is measured in months, semesters, or years rather than weeks.

So, every week (or however often) it feels like you say at the meeting that you don't know what you're doing, you don't know how long it will take, and you didn't make a dent in the One Thing worth mentioning. These would have all meant a failing grade in your coursework, but it's natural in research, at least/especially the theoretical kind or part of research. It always feels like you're behind schedule, and that's a rough millstone to be ground against for several years.

And of course, things only get more complicated if you're also teaching, which you probably also weren't adequately prepared for.

It's a very different reward payout scheme, like trying to introduce someone only familiar with quick, 5 minute games into the grindiest of MMORPGs with little to no transition.

If you like Dominion and Catan, I'd highly suggest Machi Koro. There's a pool of cards available to everyone to buy (like Dominion), most-to-all of which generate resources. But instead of going into a deck, they sit in front of you and (potentially) generate resources based on die rolls that happen at the start of each turn (like Catan). Some cards trigger only on your turn, whereas others have weaker effects but also trigger on opponents' turns.

Winning is based on buying/building four specific structures, all but one of which are really expensive.

I'd highly suggest popping by www.speedrun.com/bastion and watching a run or two as well if you haven't. The Any% categories (nearly anything goes, essentially) for New Game and New Game+ both have records sitting well below 15 minutes. There's also categories that go through more of the game (All Story Levels, primarily) that are still around 45 minutes.