SteppingOnAcorns

I cannot stop thinking and recently my conversations are running some what dry, I seem to have lost my confidence. I think almost constantly and it's effecting everything, my ability to take in information an even silly little things like playing games, I've started playing pretty poorly. My thoughts are getting scarily violent at times and I've been having suicidal thoughts so strong I actually see the image. What do I do and how can I stop this?

Thank you, I have a psychiatrist and he doesn't listen to me all the time, he puts words in my mouth. And I start questioning myself as to what I said to him. I tried to section myself last year and they refused. I try to tell my doctor that the psychiatrist isn't helping me and all my doctor does is say I think he's a good psychiatrist. My resting heart rate at the minute is 116 and has been for a few months now. When I told my doctor about a prior bunch of suicide attempts my words where "I feel completely fucked, like when you want to die so badly but can't seem to get it right, you know you're fucked, right?" She just laughed. These where legitimate attempts and in a weird way I felt somewhat invincible, I know that sounds funny but I can't even explain how messed up it was, it was like I've given up giving up. I just wish I could enjoy things properly again instead of this horrible hollow laugh, I miss decent conversations. I've become overly harsh and although I hate it it's like I'm stuck doing it, sometimes it's like I'm not in control. When I get very stressed I start to hear a voice and I've seen myself in the mirror as 3 seperate people. The drugs they gave me initially scared me as I started having nightmares about being cannibalised and having flashbacks, these where seroquel xr. I'm currently taking risperidone, they've said no to antidepressants for a while just to see if those work.