Spiderbundles

And you just popped that word, in your voice, directly into my brain lol

Your daughter is quite young, but did she ask about the pregnancy or the baby? How did you explain it to her?

Didn't have a question, just wanted to say thank you for your work. :)

In my teens, I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder, and I began having debilitating panic attacks so frequently that I had to be pulled out of school. I took part in an intensive day program at Sheppard Pratt, followed by months and months of CBT and biofeedback therapy at their Anxiety Disorders Clinic. Delving into root causes, they discovered perfectionism.

I grew up in a heavily competitive environment (pre-professional ballet), where everything had to be perfect. I went to performing arts school and then trained 30-40 hrs/wk outside of school. My mother, a former professional dancer, was my personal coach. And nothing was ever good enough, not from her, not from directors or judges.. It didn't matter how hard you worked, there was always something that needed to be perfected. I could walk away from a competiton with the overall high score and a gold trophy, and the drive home would still be: "We need to work on your XYZ when we get back into the studio. It didn't look good today, it'll cost you points." My mom once told me: "You're onstage in 2 minutes; I don't care if you don't feel good. I don't care if someone calls right now and says your... your grandmother died, you get on that stage and you dance, and you do it with a smile. You can cry after you're done." I'm not sure if that's the kind of complex trauma you were talking about, but it's what I experienced.

I burned out at 17.

It took a LOT of therapy to get through that neurotic need for perfection, to be perfect in every way, in everything, at all times. But the staff at SP were truly amazing. I began to have attacks less and less frequently, and now, I haven't had a panic attack in about 5 years. I still catch myself putting on too much pressure sometimes, but now I can recognize and work myself through it.

So, I just wanted thank you, and anyone who works in a similar specialty, from a recovering perfectionist. :) Thanks for the work you do, you definitely make a difference!

I have seen it! :) I really, strongly identified with Maureen, minus the eating disorder. That was still always a danger, though, and a common one for girls and guys alike that I trained with: I once had a judge tell me on tape that while my technique was good, I could stand to lose a few lbs. I was 5'9" and weighed 115. That's a ridiculous statement to make to me at that point.

Like Maureen, I got to a point where it was like... Did I even want this? Or was I just doing this because ballet was all I'd ever known (my mom started me in class when I was 2, I pretty literally grew up in the studio), and going pro was just the logical next step? In the end, I just couldn't take the pressure and burned out; I didn't have to make that decision.

I tried dancing again later, but couldn't. I never really danced again. After I quit, all the cumulative physical damage made itself known, and dancing without ever being able to be at the level I once was triggered a LOT of negative things, mostly anxiety and shame, so I've avoided dancing, myself.

I'm still involved, however. My mother opened up her own dance studio, got very successful; she literally has waiting lists to study there. But she has learned from her mistakes with me, and her new studio is much less stressful and competitive than what I grew up with. Now she wants her students to dance because they love it; if someone is pushing too hard and is in danger of burning out, she will force them to take a break. If we're being honest, I'm sometimes a bit resentful of the happy relationships she has with her newer students; I never had that. But that's an issue for another therapy session lol She asks me to come with her to competitions, or when they're prepping to compete, to get an outside eye to critique her dancers. She asks me to co-run the auditions for her competition teams, to select members; she trusts my eye with all of that.

Recently, she's said she wants me to take over the studio when she retires, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. It would require teaching, and while she seems to think I'd make a good instructor, I'm scared of it. I only know how to teach the way I was taught, and I'll be damned if I put another child through that. But we'll see. That's at least a decade away.

And in the meantime, instead of dance, I started martial arts about 7 years ago. :) Turns out a lot of the physical skills and coordination transfer over really well from ballet. And now, I'm only pushed as hard as I choose to push myself, and I know when I need to step back. Thanks for your reply!

What are the most popular genres of games among Iranian developers and creators? Are there a few particular genres that seem to be developed more than others in Iran?