SpecialGuestDJ

You are doing something wrong if this is not your solution. The drag down updates the reference, and you can lock either the column, the row number, or both. You can toggle between each type of reference lock/unlock by clicking the cell reference and pressing the F4 key.

Lock the column: $C1

Lock the row: C$1

Lock the column and row: $C$1

Unlocked reference: C1

Scientology is expensive

OP is here to literally promote his app for exactly this.

I try not to drive outside of 10-2 on any business day, and after 7pm.

Try using a butcher knife. Cutco #1722 and Victorinox Forschner have the right size and shape.