Sorthum

My wife was just rather disappointed when I told her there would be no Sexy Time tonight. I'm pretty sure I'll have to jam a finger up my arse and yell "SNAKE!" just to scare my penis far enough out to pee for the foreseeable future.

You're the kind of father I aspire to one day be. Good on you for the honesty factor.

Good lord no-- but if I do, I hope to hell I can handle it with the grace and panache that OP has.

Oh, please. OP already admitted it was cowgirl. "So your mother was riding me like a naughty pony..."

Organize a trip. I'd bet a number of people would love to tag along on something like this!