Sirduckerton

My fiancee worked a similar job. Her worst crazys were the homeless schizophrenics. There was a guy that tried to buy a beer, it was two dollars. He proceeds to reach in his pocket, grab nothing and slam it on the counter. He stares at her expecting her to take his imaginary money. She said, "Um, its still two dollars.". He goes, "I gave you two dollars! Right there!", and points at the empty counter. She says there is nothing there. He starts yelling that she stole his two dollars and to give it back.

Same guy pooped on the building two weeks later.

I'm one of those people. I walked into a really dark room and a guy dressed as the grim reaper snuck up behind me. He tried to scare me, but I just turned around and said that I couldn't see and don't know where to go next.

He said, "You have nerves of steel while facing death?! I direct people to hell, not the exit!" I laughed and he pointed creepily at the door to the next room. I will never forget that moment out of everything that happened.

"It is a statistical fact that the energy requirements for fueling a spaceship that can travel from star to star is infinitely less than the fuel requirements needed for powering up a time travel machine."

Powering a "time travel machine"..

I'm thinking of Napoleon Dynamite when he hooks the time travel machine up to his balls.

This guy us full of it.

"On Wednesday morning they confirmed it was indeed a young man"

Doctor: Checks shorts

"Yep! He's a young man!"