Shrinkerofbrains

I can really relate with your post and the comments. I am a modern orthodox jew but my belief system is mostly agnostic but leaning towards no god. I stay in the community because I have two beautiful girls and want to be there for them as much as possible. I know if I leave Judaism, my wife would want a divorce and my family would hate me. I keep shabbos and kosher but occasionally vape secretly on shabbos. There are a million reasons to leave and allow myself to just be myself, but I stay for my girls. I feel depressed about this but I feel trapped. Any advice?

Real kabbalah is based on deep mystical teachings handed down from moses who received it from god at Sinai. However, the popular kabbalah is watered down crap.