Sara-Anderson

Did you know that there is actually more than just the fight / flight response?

It's true! There are actually a few more responses, but we hardly ever talk about them.

In addition to Fight / Flight, there is also Freeze, Fall Asleep, and Have Fun.

Kids tend to freeze a lot. Think of when you ask a kid if they did something or you tell a teen to get up and move. Sometimes they look like deer in headlights. Other times they simply don't move. It's not always that they're being ornery or defiant; sometimes it's simply that their defense mechanism kicked in an they froze--particularly if they were just about to get in trouble for something; the stress of that can be too much, leading to freezing.

Have you ever laughed in a really stressful situation? Sometimes you might see nurses or EMTs laughing during a crisis. It's not that you or they are being insensitive; it's another defense mechanism that kicks in to help you manage the stress of the situation.

And sleeping: I always think of opossums who play dead. Teens tend to do this a lot and it's something that parents or teachers complain about because they seem to feign being asleep during class, and in reality, they might have fallen asleep because what was going on was too much to handle.

It's a good idea to know about all of these because sometimes what we think might be inappropriate or wrong is simply the body's way of protecting a person during an overwhelming moment.

Oh the struggle you are describing is so real for people with anxiety! The ruminating, looping thoughts are too often what keeps anxiety so prominent. "Letting go and moving on" is really another way of trying to avoid anxiety. Anxiety doesn't get better with avoidance, unfortunately. There are some strategies that can sometimes help, such as sharing your cringe-worthy moment with a friend. Brene Brown, a well-known psychological researcher, talks a lot about shame resilience and breaking through the shame by opening up (here's one of her videos on that: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiHu8jhn8naAhVk9IMKHYgTD2kQtwIIOzAD&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DpsN1DORYYV0&usg=AOvVaw2ZrK8vzvoX-9dCZTOtpU2K

But sometimes it's important to learn how to accept the feelings rather than try to avoid them. There are a few psychotherapies that can help with this, such as ACT or EMDR, which can be powerful. DBT, another type of of therapy, can also help with increasing distress tolerance, which is what happens when you continue to ruminate about situation. Mindfulness training and Mindfulness-Based CBT (a form of therapy) can help you to recognize the ruminating thoughts but not engage in them (which is where the looping happens).

Therapy can certainly help and be sure to find a therapist that uses Mindfulness-Based CBT, ACT, EMDR, DBT, or has a lot of good training with anxiety.

So glad you are reaching out for this because, as you and I both know, kids spend more time at school than anywhere else and having a caring teacher like you is so important. :)

If the two of you can identify some the triggers that lead to the anxiety attack, and then develop a plan ahead of time, it can really help to manage and lessen the full attack.

Sometimes noises, smells, or just the general overwhelm of a classroom can be too much, so you might consider ways that she could "check out" in order to "check back in," such as listening to a calming song with headphones, moving to the back of the classroom, or taking out a sheet of paper and writing or drawing.

You might also rehearse a signal she can use with you about when she becomes too overwhelmed so that you'll know she's going to implement the plan you've developed.

With anxiety, the body actually dysregulates--becomes hyperaroused (which is anxiety, but can also be outbursts, anger, overwhelm) or hypoaroused (disconnected, on auto pilot, shut down, flat, frozen), it's important to try to bring it back to homeostasis. You can do this by having her do some calming breaths, moving her body through stretching, do some grounding techniques, or even take a drink of water of a small snack. Some these things might be good to build into a plan for when she feels she is being triggered.

Perhaps, too, the school counselor can help you brainstorm some specific strategies that will work in your school system.

Yep, the overwhelm just causes you to shut down. Glad you recognize this!

Not sure where you live, but many countries to have some sort of behavioral health program for those that are uninsured--and I'm assuming you're in the States because you've lost health insurance. Maybe check out your state's behavioral health program because most offer free counseling and psychiatric treatment, which could give you some professional support to begin to tackle the impact of your anxiety on your work and your life.

But in the short term, it might be helpful to set up small goals each day rather than taking on the huge task of trying to get back on your feet. The overwhelm from that can freeze you--the procrastination you experience--and make it too difficult to try to work on the large project of getting everything straightened out.

But setting mini-goals each day can help you begin to take action. Such as deciding to make just one phone call today that you need to make. And then doing the next task tomorrow.

With each success, your brain begins to learn that the whole of what you're trying to do is not so overwhelming and it can even expand your window of tolerance for this amount of stress.

So maybe even today's goal might be to google behavioral health services in your area and get started with some good support.

Wishing you much success as you move forward.