SCROTOCTUS

I want one of the Log Jammin' jackets so bad now.

Maybe he gilded you secretly?

Lol, "Yes, I'd like to purchase a copy unsoiled by Canadian hands..."

What's the likelihood of surviving a 9.0 on the Alaskan Way Viaduct?

Thanks for the awesome answer!
I can't help but run through all the variables in my head when I'm driving over it. Strength of quake + speed/integrity of vehicle + driver input + structural failure at that particular spot, soil subsidence (if that's the right term) beneath the whole area - as you mentioned - other vehicles and their trajectories + secondary tsunami-related inundation minutes afterword + ambient temperature + proximity to flocks of seagulls + whether or not the ferris wheel rolls or topples + likelihood of Ivar Haglund's 50ft-Tall Reanimated Personage manifesting just in time to catch the section directly over his restaurant from toppling onto it. You know. Reasonable stuff.