Resilience-7

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It's ok to reach out and find someone to be your professional guide to get there.

I believe so. Trauma can be preverbal from something you were told about that happened to you as a child. For example, knowing you were "rejected" as an infant. So "knowing" what happened but not having an actual memory of it can still be impactful.

Ask if they do free consultations. Many will do a short phone call or video session (about 15 to 30 minutes is average). I actually require these. This way I can increase the chances that the person and I "fit." I don't like to have to refer on either. It is not a guarantee but it will certainly increase your chances. Also, start a list of what you like and don't like in your therapy and what works and doesn't work. Then share this in that consultation. If they are not a good fit for you, then perhaps they can assist in finding the right fit..as they likely know more therapists than you do.

Well, the modalities I use are EMDR, CPT, CBT, and TF: CBT (lots of alphabet soup right? ) Anyway you can watch some videos and read some descriptions on my webpage if you like... www.resilienceandrestorationcounseling.com

Basically, they all come down to teaching people to calm their nervous system when triggered so they don't overreact all the time, teaching them skills to recognize issues or the truth about something ..if they never learned ...and healing the past trauma wounds by addressing the incorrect and unhelpful thoughts they have stuck around them such as (It was my fault he abused me.) Which one I chose is based on the age of the person and what would best fit their personality and style.

When someone has been through something traumatic they often have an open "wound." When this wound is touched (even accidentally) they can react protectively. This can look different for each person but often can look like shutting down, being anxious, being angry, avoiding things, etc. When you notice your partner is acting out of character or proportion for a situation just be there and be supportive. Give them space and time to calm down, then ask them sincerely and without judgement what triggered them, how you can help at the moment in the future, and reassure them you are there to help. Be willing to "change" tactics until you find the ones that work, and be supportive if they need time, space, and therapy. Above all don't take it personally.