RealDavidHasselhoff

Well, I'm such a big star that I have someone else adjust my pants for me.

I'm not helping a tortoise turn over because... laying on its back... and I'm not helping it...first of all, why am I walking in the desert? How long have I been in the desert? And if I've been in the desert for more than 4 days, I'm probably not turning the tortoise over because I intend to eat it.

There are places where they do serve turtle-orders.

Sadly, they taste like chicken.

I think my favorite parody of myself was on a commercial for - oh my god - Lean Pockets.

Look it up online. I played "Mr. Lean" for Lean Pockets.

That's...just...an absolutely...very crazy, messed-up, version of an asexual Hoff, who hassles people to stay lean by eating Lean Pockets.

I think they took it off their air because it was so weird. Ha ha ha!

The real hero was that boy.

I mean, here's a boy with Down Syndome, and he can speak two languages fluently, he had a heart of gold, and was constantly smiling and enjoying life.

We have so much to learn from children like that.

Spongebob Squarepants is really kinda like his character. Very funny, a little cheeky, but a really good guy!