RZoroaster

In a relationship though don’t boundaries implicitly tell people what to do?

If I’m in a relationship and tell my SO that I have a personal boundary around discussing politics with her because I don’t enjoy the dynamic isn’t that designed to control her behavior? And by framing it as a boundary rather than a preference arent I implying that it’s my way or the Highway? Don’t talk about something you enjoy talking about or else I will leave and it will be your fault for violating my boundary?

And if I set a boundary about not going to holidays with her family because I find it stressful and bad for my mental health then it essentially forces her to choose between spending the holidays with her family or with me and strongly shapes her behavior.

I’m not arguing against setting boundaries necessarily. It just seems like there is not a clear distinction between setting boundaries in a way that speaks only to your own behavior and setting boundaries that functionally shape the behavior of others.

And it seems to me that one definitely could set boundaries that technically speak only to your own behavior but which are definitely still manipulative towards the other parties in the relationship.

I am not an expert obviously and i would welcome correction if I’m missing something. But this is why “boundaries” isn’t a framework I have personally employed. I worry I would be functionally manipulating those around me.