PurpleGreenSanta

I'm pretty sure it was the day I had 2 bean burritos and like 5 cups of coffee. That thing was massive.

I also delivered one that was about 7' x 3' x 3' and about 200 lbs. I was by myself and had to drag it uphill to the recipients garage... Not that fun.

I'm pretty blasé about it... however I hear that FedEx and UPS are going to merge and change the name to FedUP

Uh... Yes? I have only received one so far, and it was a nice Christmas card with $20 in it and it made my week. I'm not biased, but that household gets the best service from now on.

MAKE SURE YOUR HOUSE NUMBER IS EASILY VISIBLE FROM THE ROAD! And if its not actually on your house, make sure it clearly denotes which house is which. Driving back and forth trying to figure out which house is which is a huge pain in the ass and wastes tons of time.
And secondly (even though you didn't ask for it), PLEASE SHOVEL / SALT YOUR DRIVEWAY / SIDEWALKS IF YOU'RE EXPECTING A PACKAGE! I wear heavy duty hiking boots with metal stud grippers on the bottom and have still managed to slip and fall quite due to people not doing this. Also if you have a long, unplowed driveway chances are I'm not going to risk getting my truck stuck and it'll take until it melts away for you to get your stuff.
If you do these things I will love you.

Hahaha that comic made my day (today was a boring day).
So very few (perhaps 5-10%) of packages on any given day actually require an in person signature. For those, I usually ring the bell / knock about 3 times and then try the phone number if one is provided. Usually I can also tell if anyone is home based on the time of day, lights in the house, cars in the driveway, etc. If no contact after about 3-5 minutes, I (legibly - not all drivers can do this FYI) fill out a slip and leave it on your door. Depending on the type of delivery I can also leave a thingy for you to sign allowing me to just leave it the next time. I then depart silently.
The vast majority of the time, I don't wait. If there is no signature required and I judge the location to be safe / dry / discreet (which is 99% of all suburban front porches in the area I work in), I leave it at the door, hit the bell, throw a knock, and walk (actually I sprint) back to my truck. Ain't nobody got time for waitin' around, sadly.