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PurpleGenie19 karma

Thank you very much for your answers! You really made me feel better and clarified some things!

I never would have thought he was being straight up cruel to me, I just thought he was being inconsiderate and kind of using me for attention and validation (sometimes I even felt it was all in my head, and I was making a big deal out of nothing). I didn't think he wanted to go on a power trip by making me feel like I can't have him. Thank God I was mostly over him when he started acting like this, so I was mostly confused, not hurt by it. You are right, the fact that he was nice before doesn't excuse purposefully making me feel bad.

I'm glad to hear it is normal to be more attracted to people you already know! I was starting to think I am crazy or something! I will follow your advice about setting the tone and make sure they understand it is something casual (I sometimes panick a bit, so maybe it seemed like a much more serious deal when I tried it, even if I just asked the guy for a date).

Thank you once again for your help 💕.

PurpleGenie13 karma

Hello, Sophia! Maybe you can help me with some questions that I have.

  1. I am a 22F and I have a close male friend (22M) that used to be very tender and touchy (not in an inappropriate way, like hugging and putting his head on my shoulder) with me. I was sure he was interested in me so I confessed to him last year, before the pandemic. He refused me, saying he doesn't want to destroy our friendship, and that if we were to be together our uni classmates would say he is together with me just to get me to help him with exams. His reasons seemed a bit strange to me (I would have preferred him to say that he just wasn't attracted to me or that he just wanted casual relationships, not a serious one with me) but we remained friends, because you can't fault someone for not wanting to be together with you. Since then, I have been acting the same as before, but I think he started acting a bit strange. While before he was always complimenting me, he started being much more critical, like telling me I am lazy or that I am not serious. I told him that I wanted to find a boyfriend and he started telling me that I have no time for that and that he can't introduce me to one of his friends because he doesn't have friends anymore because of covid (which is a lie, and he knows it). He also sends me sexy photos sometimes, and I can't understand why. And the thing that shocked me the most is that recently I was at his place and he suddenly undressed to his underwear, saying it was hot, and then he asked my opinion about what underwear to wear the next day. We are close, but nobody told me we were quite that close. I got over him, but I can't understand why he acts the way he does. I know that he is a good person, because he was by my side when I needed it (like when my father died), but his attitude baffles me.

  2. I keep hearing that an unknown person is more attractive than one that is close to you, because they seem interesting and mysterious, but for some reason I am not attracted to people that I do not know. I only start being interested in someone after I've known him for at least a few months. This makes dating difficult for me, because I don't feel comfortable meeting someone new, but I also don't know how to get involved with the men I know, because I don't want them to think I am weird or desperate, and I also know that they might not be interested in me exactly because they have known me for a long time. I don't have a problem with being rejected, but I don't want to make things awkward with them. Do you have some advice for my situation?

Sorry for the long post! TL;DR:

  1. A male friend refused me when I confessed, but he tells me I don't have time for a boyfriend, sends me sexy photos and he recently got down to his underwear in my presence. Idk what goes on in his head.

  2. I am only attracted to men I have known for some time, but I am afraid to approach them because I might make things awkward. What can I do?