Ptricky17

I AM NOT a licensed therapist, but I am someone who has struggled (and continues to struggle) with depression and anxiety. I am around your age and reading your comment has compelled me to reach out.

I can empathize with the feeling that there is no support available nearby, or that it’s simply impossible to take the time to access what support is available without some other aspect of our lives collapsing.

My advice to you is this: next time you feel like relaxing and you turn to whatever comfort activity it is you prefer (exercise, tv shows, driving to clear your head… whatever it may be). Stop yourself and go get a piece of paper. Put something on in the background (music, or a show or movie that you know so well that you don’t need to actually watch it).

Sit down and describe yourself as you see yourself. Then ask yourself, what do I wish my life looked like? In a realistic sense, not a “I’m Jeff bezos and have 7 yachts” kind of deal. Maybe a better way to put it would be this: what is the bare minimum that I need in my life to be truly happy?

We can’t make meaningful change in our lives without a plan. It’s certainly much easier to do when we have a guide who can help us to make that plan, but in the absence of a guide healing starts with learning to be our own guide. It can be difficult. It can be painful. It starts with honesty about who we are and what we want.

Once you have clarified those things for yourself it will get easier to start writing down what small steps you can take on a daily basis to move closer to your personal goals.

The key though, is to WRITE IT DOWN. When these things live inside our heads, they cause anxiety, they do not create an impetus for change. Once you write it down, there’s a little magic there. It makes it real. We live in the greater universe, not just in our own heads. If we don’t start trying to bring our own wishes to bare in that universe, we will never get what we want.

I think that there is an unfortunate overlap between chemical depression, and circumstantial depression.

The sad reality is that it’s easier to tell someone to take a pill everyday than it is to help them become financially stable, learn to cope with family trauma on a healthy way, or otherwise make long term lifestyle changes.

Ideally, the medication is a stepping stone to help make those longer term changes. Sometimes though, for both patients and caregivers, it turns into a crutch that allows the larger societal factors to be pushed to the wayside.

I’ve found that there are some issues that therapists are great for, and others where close friends are much better. Neither form of support comes close to meeting the full spectrum of what a human brain needs to stay healthy, but in combination hopefully you can work out who is best at coaching you on which issues to get you to the real solutions.

NOT A LICENSED THERAPIST:

Just someone who has been on both sides of a kind of similar situation.

If you have a very strong and trusting relationship, just sit down and talk to him. Ask what things you can do to help. When someone starts trying to “fix” things that the other person isn’t ready to deal with, it can put extra pressure on the burnt out person and actually make the situation worse. Open dialogue, and a relationship that starts with ACCEPTANCE FIRST is the best approach.

If it is clear that he can talk to you about anything, and you won’t immediately jump into “fix it” mode, I am confident he will be more honest with you and will be grateful to have the help of someone he loves and trusts. On the flip side, if he feels like you are shouldering his burdens and the trust isn’t there, he may become more withdrawn and burdened with guilt.

If your sibling relationship, for whatever reason, isn’t particularly close, the first step would be to build that trust.

In either case, compassionate conversation that doesn’t induce feelings of guilt is the first step. Just let him know that you are there and you are happy to listen and provide emotional support. Build from there.

Best of luck to both you and your brother.