Positively--Negative

I appreciate the reply. I understand what you're saying. Because this happened in the prime of my life19-31. I can't talk or think about anything with out her being there. We pretty much grew up together. All of the trips, parties, holidays, weddings, old photos, the good and the bad, she was always there. It's hard to let that go and constantly be reminded of her. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it :) I have a lot to think about

You have heard about the one that got away, I'm sure? Here's mine. I was with my girl for 12 years. She broke up with me at my lowest point in my life. Two of my closest friends passed away 3 weeks apart, my dog passed away 4 weeks after that. 3 weeks after that I lost my job. And to top it off, she broke up with me shortly after. It's been 2 years since we split. She has moved on, and I can't. We are still close friends. I would rather bite the bullet and accept her new choice than not have her in my life at all. She knows that I would take on the world for a second chance. It's just not going to happen, I've almost accepted that. Now I'm faced with the issue of being stuck in a miserable existence. I dropped all of my acquaintances that we holding me back. I enrolled in college. I took on extra hours at work. I refuse to go out and meet new people. I'm just not interested. I'm afraid of losing another person close to me. Just a bit of background info, I've buried over 20 friends since high school. She left me because I wouldn't marry her when she wanted. All I asked was for us to be financially stable. Kids were in neither of our future. My anxiety is thru the roof. I torture myself daily with school, work, and other meaningless hobbies to try and distract myself. I can't get her out of my head. I'm lost. I don't know how to normalize. The greatest years of my life are all memories and photographs. Do you have any wise words for this lost soul? Putting myself out on reddit is freakin weird but I'll try anything at this point. Sorry for the bad formatting and a story that is all over the place. Thanks in advance :)