PatchesCanadaGoose

Hi Kumail!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to do this! I absolutely love you on Silicon Valley, and I’ve been dying to see The Big Sick, but I’ve been putting it off, because it’s a situation that hits very close to home for me.

I’m a white female, currently dating a Pakistani-American man. I love him very much, and he loves me, but currently, the outlook for the future from my perspective seems bleak. Our relationship is a secret from his family and Pakistani/Muslim friends, and he’s expressed to me that he will never be able to tell them about us (and does not want to), because he’d be disowned by his family (immediate and extended). Essentially, from the start of our relationship, it’s been painted that we will inevitably have to break up, but we cared too much about each other not to be together for whatever amount of time we have.

I was hoping you’d be able to share some advice from your and Emily’s experiences. He’s someone I could picture building a future with, but I feel completely powerless, because ultimately, he gets to dictate what happens to our relationship. Sorry for the long explanation! I was wondering:

What advice would you have for women who’re in a situation where they’re seriously dating/are in love with Pakistani-American men?

What advice would you have for these men dealing with being torn between family/culture and personal relationships?

Knowing you and Emily got your happy ending has been what’s deterring me from seeing the movie, because I’m not confident I’ll get a happy ending myself. All the same, I know when I do watch it, I’ll laugh, cry and hopefully find some sort of resolution. Thank you for everything you do, Kumail!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond -- you can't imagine how much it means to me. You're spot on: It's been incredibly difficult to talk about it, so we try to ignore it, but I realize we can't let that happen forever. I'm so inspired by what you've built with Emily, and I'll feel incredibly blessed if somehow my situation ends up the same. I think hearing that the movie might give me confidence is the push I needed to finally watch it. I've just pulled up to my boyfriend's house to spend the evening with him, and maybe I'll suggest we watch it ;)

But in all seriousness, thank you so much for your advice. If things work out, you and Emily will be getting an invite to the wedding!

That sounds like a great tactic, I might have to give it a try! (jk obviously)

But you're right, it's a huge sore spot in our relationship, and it makes it difficult not to be resentful sometimes. But at the end of the day, I can't imagine my life without him, and I feel like the sacrifice is worth it. And god, I hope I'm right. I won't say that I'll regret this journey with him, because I don't think I ever will, but I know if it comes to an end, it'll be one of the most painful experiences of my life. So, here's to love and hope!!!