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Panthean1 karma

I lost a friend 7 years ago to an overdose. The circumstances of his death cause me great pain and anxiety, I just can't get over it. I'm riddled with guilt.

We both used drugs together. His parents had kicked him out, and no one else would help him. I let him move in with me, and tried to help him as best I could. Though I was using drugs too, I was keeping it together somewhat. Before long his addiction progressed to absurd proportions.

One night I had a girl over, and her dope went missing. I was furious, and told my friend to give it back or fuck off. He insisted he didn't take it, so I made him leave.

The next day I found the girls dope in the couch. He didn't take it after all. I called him to apologize, he didn't answer. A few more calls, a few more texts, no reply.

A few days later, his father checked his storage unit and found him dead from an overdose. I'm haunted by the thought of his father opening the storage unit, the smell must have hit him first, then the sight of his son dead on a mattress.

People blamed me for his death, thinking I let him OD or gave him a hot shot so I could rob him. His father blames me most of all. Once he stumbled drunk into my Dad's office, and said he was going to kill me for killing his son. My parents don't trust me much to begin with, and I suspect they think I was somehow involved. I know I didn't kill him, but the fact is if I hadn't kicked him out, he would be alive. The fact that he didn't even steal the dope makes my guilt that much worse. I haven't returned to my hometown for years because others think me a murderer. I have so much guilt and shame over this. I try to rationalize my feelings, I tell myself it wasn't my fault, and that I tried to help him, but it doesn't work, I still feel terrible.

What I want most of all, is to get past this so I can visit my hometown and think about my friend without having a nervous breakdown. Do you have any suggestions for how I can get over this?

Panthean1 karma

Hi! that's weird. Could you not stream my autopsy please? K thx!

Panthean1 karma

How awesome was your first wank back?

Panthean0 karma

Do you have to be low key about your religion? I would totally act Muslim and keep it real with Jesus in private.