Ouisch

Not necessarily a "hack", but back in the 1990s my Mom and I were on our annual vacation to Niagara Falls (Canada), her favorite place in the world. We always went in late October or November, the "off-season", so the whole place was almost our own. While wandering around in the deserted Skylon amusement area, we decided to try some Ski-Ball. The teen working there was obviously bored rigid, and was excited enough by his first customers of the day to spend half an hour coaching my 70-something Mom on how to bank the ball just so to pop it into the 100 point center target. She sent me off to the office to get a roll of quarters and left with huge string of tickets (the teen was nice enough to let her exchange them for tokens instead of cheap prizes). A few months later Mom and I attended the birthday party of my friend's child, which was held at Chuck E. Cheese. Mom saw the Ski-Ball machines and was off. She reminded me of W.C. Fields as a crowd of youngsters gathered to watch her hit 100 after 100: "Stand back kid, you're in my way!" (She gave her impressive string of tickets to my friend's kid as a birthday gift.)

I found out in a somewhat frightening way that this is indeed a fetish, and apparently a popular one. Back in the 1980s I worked in a small office suite inside a larger office building. My boss was gone for the day one afternoon, so I kicked off my high heels and while I did all the filing I'd been putting off. Mind you, I was wearing slacks and was wearing nylon knee-highs. This man appeared in the doorway (most offices kept their doors propped open in that era for some reason) and asked me where the mailroom was. I replied that there was nothing like that in the building, but there was a mailbox just outside at the curb, and a post office less than half a mile away. He smiled and thanked me and said "I owe you lunch!" I shrugged him off, saying no prob, etc. But then he'd keep stopping buy in the afternoons and asking me to join him for coffee. I finally capitulated, agreeing to meet him at the coney island down the street (I drove there in my own car). I was wearing sandals that day and while we were chatting he reached under the table and grabbed my big toe (I had my legs crossed, so one foot was up and off the ground). I recoiled in surprise and said "Don't tug on my toe!" "Oh, I wasn't tugging it!" He held up his hands in innocence. He then leaned forward and said in a quiet voice, "I just want to rub it." "What?!" I was trying to comprehend the situation. "I've seen you walking around without your shoes," he continued, "and I must say that your feet are just as attractive as the rest of you."

I'm presuming you're young and relatively healthy; does the lack of city services ever worry you? Like calling 911 and getting a busy signal or (once you get through) being told to drive yourself to the hospital because there's an hour or more wait for EMS/ambulance? Or has that situation improved in the past decade?

I lived in Detroit (Harper and Cadieux area) from 1992 until 2000. That was the time when I had a few medical emergencies that required (unsuccessful) 911 calls (one of which turned out to be a stroke....after Detroit's 911 operator informed us to drive ourselves to the hospital in order to avoid a 45 minute or more waiting time). The fire hydrant in front of our next door neighbor's house was stolen by (apparently) metal scrappers in late 1998 and still hadn't been replaced by the time we moved in 2000. I guess you're fortunate to have the cell phone numbers of local cops in case of emergency.

I'm at the age where I'm supposed to have a regular colonoscopy, but I am currently without insurance other than the State's version of Medicaid. After my experiences with my Medicaid-accepting PCP and Ophthalmologist, I am leery about such an invasive procedure (I have visions of a tiny sketch artist being inserted instead of a fiber optic gizmo).