Osteogenesis3

For the first 18 years of my life, I was a very unhappy kid. I compare my life to being stuck in the starter zone of a video game: You get to see all the other kids running around, doing cool things and getting rewarded for it. But anytime you try to participate yourself, you're given an error and told to subscribe. It's like being in a different reality entirely. - In my current state of mind, I'm grateful that I have gotten to do the few things I am capable of and spending time with my 2 nephews and young niece. I would be a liar if I said there weren't days(or years) where all I felt was resentment, bitterness. I frequently use to ask my mother why she gave birth to me, knowing full well the possibilities. But.. There's so many people out there that think their lives are worse than they really are, I've been guilty of this myself. Be grateful you aren't in a warzone and have a roof over your head, many wouldn't last a day in a foreign country with the mentalities that most Americans have. I'm not undermining their suffering, being a human even without a physical (or mental) ailment in this day and age is HARD. I get it, I really do. I would have every right to be vengeful, vicious and despise the planet. But I don't, why? It's rather simple. Every drop of blood, every conversation you have that intentionally strikes fear into someone harms the human race has a cascading snowball effect that you do not intend for or even realize. I have said and done things I'm not proud of myself. I've had nearly 25 years on this planet, but it feels more like 100 considering I was done with Ivy League by my 16th birthday and broke over 100 bones in my first year of life alone. I often use to post complaining about not being able to walk and the like, that's not who I am at baseline. That's anger, resentment, bitterness. Want to know what I *SHOULD* be focused on? Spending time with those who care about me, making their lives better, and persevering through all medical diagnoses. Even the terminal ones. I encourage people to not let your mood dictate how you treat others. If you've had a brutal day, unwind. The overwhelming majority of the human race suffers in one way or another, whether it be a physical or mental battle. I get it, depression and anxiety kick in and it's a struggle. But a futile one. If you don't even have control over your own words, how can you expect anything in life to go your way? Also, if love is just a word, why does it hurt so much when you realize it isn't there? I have been swatted with 3 entire roads blocked off and 20 police at my front door, all with AR-15's. That would terrify most people, and while it certainly wasn't a fun experience I never once questioned giving upon my passions. At the end of the day, you need to be ok with the identity you have built for yourself. I live a double life of sorts when it comes to digital, some of which my friends/family will never see on social media. (The arrest of hacking groups)

But when I think back and realize it was recommended for me to be aborted 25 years ago.. Pfft, I've aided in the arrests of several hacking rings extending all the way to Ireland and the Middle East, and I'm also challenging the New Jersey State Prison. I generally don't need help on these crusades, with a few exceptions when it comes to dealing with swatting groups. I've shattered my bones over 500 times when we only have 206 in our entire body. I'm one of very few people with OI to survive a severe fall. At my peak, I'm one the fastest typists on the planet and there isn't a non-governmental hacking group on the planet that can outmaneuver the connections that I have made. (unless we're talking about a footrace) Yeah, I'm disabled and will never know what it's like to run around or scuba dive etc. That's something I have to come to terms with, some days will always be harder than others as for all humans.. My advice? Two simple words:

Be kind.

My personal take is that if you know a child is going to be born with severe Osteogenesis Imperfecta, or another crippling disability, bringing them into the world is unethical.. But that's going to have to be up to the parents themselves at the end of the day.

Sure. You are a failure, everything you ever aspired to be has failed. You infect those around you with negativity, even your own parents are ashamed of you. I cannot wrap my head around how you are not imprisoned with all of the things you have done throughout your life. There's a special place in hell, if one exists, for people like you. You will never know the meaning of true love or have a single day of peace. The rest of your existence is going to be nothing but futile suffering.

(Mods this was requested sarcasm please don't ban me)

I keep an odd sleep schedule, it's 6:30 AM and I've been up for quite some time now. I'm going to go ice my neck and watch Arrow: I will respond to every single question when I reopen Reddit(Or when I wake up if I end up falling asleep)

Much love to all of you. A quick note: The GoFundMe link was for proof of disability, not a donation request. Please do not feel obligated to give a dime.

I have a job at a car dealership very close to my home, I wheel down the road and it only takes about 10 minutes to get there. Quicker if I'm really exerting myself, I have worked there for three years. My job there primarily consists of listing new parts, deleting old tags from the database, maintaining inventory and protecting the digital cloud. There have been several thefts there over the last few years, recently $60,000 worth of catalytic converters. The pay is not great, and the schedule is inconsistent, especially lately due to the uncertainty of whether or not I'm going to black out. For other sources of income, I am on SSDI(Not a great amount of monthly pay, but better than nothing) and am often paid by people to configure website security and things of that nature. All of these, combined with the GoFundMe linked in the OP which has raised $6000 in a 17 month period have helped me stay afloat for the time being. As far as unpaid jobs go, I have been involved in the arrest of several black hat hackers who were running DDoS-for-hire tools. This has made me a target in the past, and 3 years ago I was swatted by someone in the Middle East: He called my local PD and stated that I was in a wheelchair and had just shot everyone in my house. 3 roads blocked off, entire swat team. About 20 police with AR-15's at my front door.

I'm in a constant state of worry, particularly about the potential of a flareup sending me to the hospital at any time as well as the opiate epidemic making it quite difficult to get prescriptions refilled on time. We currently have 11 dogs, 5 cats, 4 birds, 2 bearded dragons. I have two brothers and a sister, all older than I with no medical issues. I'm the only one in my entire family history with any sort of physical defect. It was a random genetic mutation. My friends&family are what have kept me alive this entire time, they are always on my mind. I have always had a very strong interest in the ocean, previously having gone snorkeling in Florida after breaking my femur the day before. I just pushed through the severe pain of a 20 hour car ride, went kayaking with manatees with a leg that should have been in a cast. By the time I was back home in New York, the femur rod had fallen into my knee and had to be replaced entirely.. Needless to say, the recovery process was long: But it was worth it! I would love to be able to scuba dive as well as drive, but with prolonged compression it does not seem those dreams will ever become a reality.. The overwhelming majority of my life now is spent in front of a laptop in a hospital bed at home and a box of medications. I always use to say that the broken bones were the worst, and I would do anything for them to go away.. Well, my last fracture was on my 18th birthday by falling out of bed: So, if I make it another 5 months, I will be 7 years break-free when previously I could not even go a month or two. Sadly, this has been replaced with the severe neurological issues. It almost feels as if I am constantly on psychedelics, the only way I have been able to describe it to doctors is I "feel" very confused yet I remain coherent. Great question, thank you!

One day at a time.. It's a painful life, abortion was recommended and I was not expected to survive for even close to a year.

I'm currently finishing up watching Arrow. The Flash(CW) has been absolutely fantastic, though a few seasons were confusing they have redeemed themselves quite well. Cobra Kai is brilliant as well. For comedy, I'll sometimes watch Family Guy&Impractical Jokers with my mother. If we're talking anime, I'd say Hunter X Hunter, Naruto, Black Clover, Seven Deadly Sins Kengan Ashura and Death Note all rank quite highly for me.

League Of Legends is the game I probably have the most hours in, though I've lost interest in gaming quite a bit over the last year or so. Tekken and Rust are on that list as well.