Odoyl-Rules

Well, to give you perspective from a "happy ending" kind of story...

My ex pulled all sorts of stuff on me and the only refuge I had was my mom's house in Hawaii, so one night my daughter and I packed up our things, stayed at a women's shelter for a night, and boarded a plane the next day for Hawaii. I thought it would be okay to keep phone contact with him (our daughter was with me and I felt guilty keeping them from each other). Lo and behold, he showed up in Hawaii when he got his tax check and when we met up with him, he ran with my daughter up to his hotel room. I followed and when I got up there, he threw me on the bed and started screaming at me. The balcony was open and I was afraid he would throw me from the balcony. Instead, he grabbed my purse and threw my cigarettes out, and I took that time to bolt with my daughter. He went up to my job and made a scene and some other stuff happened which ended with me luring him to the police station and then screaming, "DON'T KIDNAP MY DAUGHTER LET HER GO!!!!" causing tourists to get involved and the cops to rush out.

ANYWAY. For three years he harassed me, called me, etc. But then he found another woman to get involved with and he hasn't bothered me since. Which is horrible for his now-wife (I tried to warn her) and their THREE kids, but has worked out for me great. My SO now is working to adopt her. I am scared that trying to contact him to relinquish his rights might make him act crazy again, but I am hoping he won't go down that road again.

Just be careful, and remember that it doesn't make you a bad person to keep your location and stuff a secret. Friends, even your best friends, can make mistakes and slip up with info, which is how he found out I was in Hawaii.

PERFECT.

I've a question on how to healthily handle our current predicament.

My daughter is reaching puberty (she's 10 but developmentally delayed with 9p Deletion Syndrome - this is important) and has been "exploring her body."

She's exploring anally.

We discovered that when we started finding bloody underwear along with toys, markers, sea shells (!!WTF!!) and rocks (AGAIN WTF?!) covered in blood and fecal matter.

I spoke with her about how it was normal behavior, thanked her for keeping it private, and advised her to use only her FINGERS if she was exploring any holes in her nether regions.

I also asked her if anyone had shown her how to do that ("No, I just did it myself") or if anyone touched her (she giggled and said no, that was crazy and no one else had). I'm pretty damn near 100% satisfied that she came to this exploration naturally and not via some horrifying means like molestation. Also, she's never really alone with anyone... She's at school or at home.

I thought we were good, and she told me several times how she'd explored her body but did as I asked and used only her fingers. Hooray!

But, we weren't good, because Saturday she engaged in that behavior with a marker and we only found out because of the copious amounts of blood.

I'm currently sitting in the hospital with her (day 4!), and she is supposed to get a sort of "minicolonoscopy" this morning.

My question, is... What is the healthy way to handle this? I thought about coaching her on masturbation, but is that an okay thing to do? Is it okay to show her the other (and, IMO, more pleasurable) orifice that she can explore? If she won't stop using objects, should I provide her with something safe she is allowed to use? SHE IS TEN... Isn't coaching so explicitly like that illegal or something? It sounds like it would be which is why I haven't done it (that and it just feels WEIRD to do).

HALP.

I was similar to your girlfriend. I can't get into all the details right now, but we sat down and discussed the issue many, many times before I was able to move past it.

First, I had to figure out WHY my husband's masturbation bothered me so much... it didn't make sense because IN THEORY I didn't care that he masturbated (and I do, too!!!), but it really did just piss me right the fuck off if I "caught" him masturbating or if I found "evidence" that he'd pleasured himself (porn on the phone, for instance).

Hopefully, she recognizes that she's being unfair to demand you always come to her (I did) and wants to change that about herself. Unless you are a compulsive masturbator and don't have sex with her often, this issue really is about her because jerking off is natural and good for you as well! And hopefully you have the patience to visit the subject several times and not get upset if you guys come to an agreement on the subject but she gets mad again and you have to tweak it.

My husband and I have the agreement of if I'm home and available (meaning the kids aren't running around needing things and such) and he's ready to go, he should come to me before rubbing one out to see if I have needs that need tending to. If he's alone or I'm not available/in the mood, he's welcome to go to town alone mostly.

It also helped us to masturbate in front of each other a few times. It was a bit odd, since we'd fought over it so many times, but it did help in the end.

Hope that helps!

My BIL has Friedrich's Ataxia (it's quite advanced at this point... He can no longer talk or walk at 24 but his mental capacity is still "normal."). What is something people do with good intentions that you can not stand?

What things would make your life easier/better with regard to the disorder you have? I'd like to send him and my MIL some things to help them out but I have no idea what that would be.

We're not under any sort of suspicion from the school, but I shared that concern as well.

The hospital did an abuse screen and exam several times (each time the doctors changed shifts), but it was clear this was all self-inflicted.