Nekrosiz

I'll be a bit blunt, but realism is what you need, not sweet talk.

Honestly, can you truly say, that you're absolutely disgusted by the bag, or is it, that you're extremely focused on the bag, which makes it absolutely disgusting?

Let's be honest, it's the latter I think.

Because that bag, seeing it, reminds you of what life was like, and is like. It's a direct confrontation to what you've been through and have to live with. This is what makes it absolutely disgusting for you in my opinion.

And that's ok. You don't have to love it, but you don't have to hate it. You're not a walking bag. You're you, but you just have a bag with you. It doesn't make you any less as a whole.

And it's not that you're broken, or have to be fixed. You don't. And you don't have 'to live with yourself', you just have to accept yourself, as you are, as you were, as you will be.

I'm sorry if I'm blunt or come across harsh, it's not my intention. I know how it is to be told 'its ok', and how shallow that comes across. I know it's not easy. I know it's not impossible, either, but it is hard.

As for cleanliness, aslong as you take care of yourself, you'll be as clean, as you've ever been. You know what unhygienic is, looks like, and they you're not unhygienic, because of this.

And i type, respond, because I want to. Not because I feel obligated to. Not because I pitty you. But because I care, that's why.

The thing you hate, there was no fight, let me put it this way; have you ever seen or heard about someone with cancer, and them giving up? Then it's all over. Why? Because while yes, the doctors did all the physical work, you're doing all the mental work. You did and do allot more then you realize, and give yourself credit for. You know this.

And so does my mom. I remember the day she walked into the neurologists room, and the doctor just looked at her 'how are you walking?'

And im looking at your post, and the only thing I thought is, i have respect for that person posting this.

Don't give up, youve come so far already, and you'll come allot further!

My mother has had cancer for 10 years now. Only kind with that 'type/form's of cancer. She's had 4 different procedures, stable, unstable, and so on. She's in that same mindset as you, that 'what if/when'.

I get it. I do. I've been taking care of her for years now, and trust me, this isn't living. You, she, fought and survived, keep a close eye on it, and live.

Perhaps a talk group will help or a psychiatrist?

And don't overthink about the bag, noone will ever judge you for it, if they knew what you've been through.

That you're still here, is all that matters, doesn't it?

Nice one cuddling 'taliban' crocodiles