Morfolk

Sir, you are a scumbag. First you warn me in your opening statement that I will lose my faith in Disney magic and then you tell the most magical Disney story ever.

as it doesn't interact with Viagra

I dunno man. Last I heard alcohol + Viagra lead to increased risk of pregnancies. You be careful.

Another Ukrainian chiming in - the comparison is not that easy. Luhansk and Donetsk regions are the most resourceful and have lots of industry. But the oligarchs have been looting it for decades and moving profits either to offshores or to Kiev. Which means that Luhansk and Donetsk require more government aid than any other region in the country.

Western Ukraine has less natural resources but is much more self-sustained. This leads to a situation where Donetsk's and Luhansk's rich are the richest in the country, their poor are the poorest but since they work 24/7 for meager pay they still have a feeling that they are "feeding the country".

I start to try to get another cab, but she's still walking away, and I don't see the driver. Go to turn off his engine, but there's no keys in the ignition (2012 Chrysler's have a remote fob).

Were you trying to turn off his engine? Why?

At no time did I attack him.

Erm...

I push him hard to the chest with both hands and he falls into the fountain.

Are you sure you did not attack him?

I'm sorry but this doesn't look good for you at all. Even when you describe the events yourself - you seem very guilty.

Here's a quick recap:

1. You break the rules (and law?) by going to the middle of the road and stopping a taxi. Doesn't matter if that's your first time or not.

2. The driver understandably gets angry.

3. Without discussing anything with him you get inside his car like it's your own while your GF looks very drunk/sick.

4. He gets even angrier (quite justified) and leaves the car to protest.

5. Your GF leaves the car. You also go outside but return to the driver's seat.

6. The driver watching you gets fucking mad (I know I would be) since he doesn't know what else you want with his car.

7. You proceed to "reflexively pushing him next to the taxi". The first attack.

8. He gets out his phone (probably calling police at this point) and starts following you so you don't run away.

9. You both grab each other, then you grab his phone and throw it away (what the fuck man?).

10. He resumes following you and you attack him the second time pushing into the fountain. For his injuries from this he would be later taken by the ambulance.

11. Police finally come and arrest your drunken ass (for good reasons like assaulting a taxi driver twice, trying to break his phone and doing who knows what to his car).

12. You post a sob story on reddit still thinking you were wrongfully charged? Come on.