Microtic

That's what happens when you have "call 911 for emergency" on phones. Kids see the numbers and dial it. Source: I did that when I was a kid

If you like non-fiction, might I suggest "The Family that Couldn't Sleep: a Medical Mystery" by D.T. Max. It's a fascinating book that deals with prion disease, tracing back to earliest records of it, what causes it, and how it has spread. It highlights many cases and gives some pretty interesting first hand accounts that I haven't read elsewhere.

Don't forget "he's a nob but I quite like him". :)

Keep in mind that

A low-FODMAP diet might help to improve short-term digestive symptoms in adults with irritable bowel syndrome, but its long-term use can have negative effects because it causes a detrimental impact on the gut microbiota and metabolome. It should only be used for short periods of time and under the advice of a specialist. Sources are listed in the wiki article.

Hey mister. I am mad scientist. It's so cool! Sonovabitch.