Macula

I've had somewhat of a similar experience myself. Dated 2 girls who later confided in me that they had been raped (both a year or two within meeting them) and both girls were much more willing sexually. Willing to push the barrier further into territory I wasn't comfortable with considering what happened to them. I always thought of it as a coping mechanism but they both had never really recovered mentally from their attacks. Physically they also turned out to be some of the most promiscuous girls I know. They weren't like that before being raped.

I can see how this would be healing in a way that consensual sex gives the safe feeling of control over a situation that someone at some point didn't have. I just recently visited one of my exes and she's having a much harder time coping psychologically now several years later. I hope you are doing better now. Unfortunately I know too many who have been sexually abused and it makes me feel worse that its something that happens way too often. Nobody deserves to have that happen to them.