Logvin175 karma2010-09-26 22:31:32 UTC
My wife is in a very similar situation. Terminal cancer, treatment will likely fail, likely time is a few years.
We had a lot of talking about it when we first found out. We had been married 6 months. It was hard, and she is on a lot of pain killers to deal with the pain to this day.
We have gone with a "lets not let it win" strategy. I wake up and go to work, and we try and make the same decisions we would make if she was healthy. We had a baby, and have another one due within a few weeks. It kills me to know they might not remember their mother, but my goal is to make HER happy for as long as we have together.
I recommend you do the same thing. Try and enjoy yourself as long as you can. Take a vacation, buy some season tickets to a ballgame, have fun. I would recommend you take advantage of some financial institutions and borrow some money, and see the world.
Some will call you selfish. I wont agree. You are doing an incredibly honorable thing. They will find out eventually, there is no going around it... you are saving them months/years of worry and depression themselves. It will be incredibly hard on your family when you pass, but it would be just as hard if they knew about it for 2 years first.
1. Big/multiple loans from bank
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Logvin29 karma2010-09-27 02:56:18 UTC
I completely disagree. With my wife, she is in terrible terrible pain, every single day. She has had 2 surgeries to try and remove her tumor, and it has left her unable to do more than take care of herself. She cant cook, clean, or play for more than a few minutes with our kids.
You do not know what constant terrible pain every day feels like. Everyone eventually cracks when they are being tortured. Trust me, you would think "1% is enough to keep fighting"... sure, if your life is normal and you can do anything without any pain.
Logvin19 karma2010-09-27 03:10:16 UTC
It is EXTREMELY hard to be dying of cancer. It is slightly less hard to have your significant other be dying. My wife and I are married, and she has said several times she wish she could just leave and not see us anymore so it would be easier for us. I have absolutely no issue with the "till death do us part" deal, and will be with her to the end.
I think since you were still in the girlfriend stage, you did her a favor. Others might say to let her make the decision... she would have two options. Stay with you, and watch you slowly wither away and waste her life falling more in love with someone who will be leaving. Leave, then have to wake up every day and think "I left a man because he is dying of cancer". You gave her the third option... being free without guilt.
Logvin2 karma2017-09-30 23:35:50 UTC
I was handed a single by one of you in 1999?. It was in a paper sleeve and your band name was written on the CD with a sharpie. Must have been at the Nile Theater in Mesa maybe? Anyway, it was a great single and I bought the full album from you when you released it. I'm glad you are still enjoying making music.
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