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Little_Tyrant657 karma

How common is PTSD in the children of domestic assault survivors, and have you come across any standout forms of treatment? Have the stigmas traditionally associated with domestic violence seemed to worsen or lessen in recent years with social media now being everywhere?

I’m a mid-thirties male who witnessed and lived through some pretty heavy and long-running domestic abuse as a child. There was zero awareness and support at school or amongst outside family, so I chalked the depression, anxiety, and mood swings I’ve experienced for much of my life up to some undiagnosed bipolar disorder. When I finally went to a therapist for help, he diagnosed me with PTSD and it was extremely jarring.

Since being diagnosed, I’ve met with a lot of resistance from outside family, friends, and the general public about being open about what myself and my mom went through. Even my siblings, who are a few years younger and don’t have strong memories of most of the abuse, question the validity of the issues my mom and I are still suffering from. They even refuse to see their respective issues with alcohol and drug abuse, depression, anger, and anxiety as being at all contributed to by the environment we grew up in...I see them beginning to treat their spouses and children in ways that border on abusive and don’t know what to do about it.

Thank you so much for doing this AMA. I decided to ask this question with my main account because I’ve met with a lot of resistance and have felt heavily stigmatized as a dude looking for help after witnessing and being subject to domestic violence as a child; I still watch my mom struggle to this day with the violence and the memories of the officers who always sided with my dad. I’m not sure why I feel so ashamed about being open and honest about this but I really, really appreciate the opportunity to do so!

Little_Tyrant176 karma

In the years since your original experience and now, do you feel that there's been any notable progress in either the way society looks at the problem of domestic violence, or how seriously it's taken by the police and social services? Have the type of responses and reactions you get varied over the years when you recount your story, or have attitudes largely seemed to stay the same? Do you feel that your issues with growing up in such an environment still affect you on a daily basis, or have do you feel that you've found relative success/stability with any particular types of therapy or meds? Fellow survivor here wondering...

I commented on an AMA being done by some domestic abuse experts a few weeks ago and wanted to share, since we had such similar stories despite age difference and country of origin: I’m a mid-thirties male who witnessed and lived through some pretty heavy and long-running domestic abuse as a child in the US. Small rural town with zero awareness and support at school or amongst outside family, so I chalked the depression, anxiety, and mood swings I’ve experienced for much of my life up to some undiagnosed bipolar disorder. When I finally went to a therapist for help, he diagnosed me with PTSD and it was extremely jarring.

Since being diagnosed, I’ve met with a lot of resistance from outside family, friends, and the general public about being open about what myself and my mom went through. Even my siblings, who are a few years younger and don’t have strong memories of most of the abuse, question the validity of the issues my mom and I are still suffering from. They even refuse to see their respective issues with alcohol and drug abuse, depression, anger, and anxiety as being at all contributed to by the environment we grew up in...I see them beginning to treat their spouses and children in ways that border on abusive and don’t know what to do about it.

I try to talk about this stuff openly with my main account because I’ve met with a lot of resistance and have felt heavily stigmatized as a dude looking for help after witnessing and being subject to domestic violence as a child; I still watch my mom struggle to this day with the violence and the memories of the officers who always sided with my dad. I’m not sure why I feel so ashamed about being open and honest about this but I really, really appreciate the opportunity to do so.

Your story is so inspiring I don’t really have words— I couldn’t figure out how to help my family when i was 14 as you describe— I was barely able to survive. To attack a situation that is so innately frightening for the sake of others is something a lot of people will never understand, but I do because I was never able to find that strength. I can also say as an adult who didn’t address these issues soon enough, you have really opened up your life to some wonderful possibilities by handling and owning this so early in your own journey.

So thank you so much for helping to raise awareness and visibility with this AMA. It’s very inspiring to see someone using a traumatic situation so similar to mine as a point of strength. “Bravery” doesn’t begin to describe what it takes to fight back at that age, or what it takes to continue being proud of who you are when you come from that kind of environment.

Little_Tyrant66 karma

Thank you so much for saying this...I was the oldest by a couple of years amongst my siblings, and seeing them enacting the same behavior we endured as children makes me feel like I failed them somehow as a role model and stand-in father figure. Reading what you wrote makes me feel hope that they may yet come around and I’ve at least been on the right track in terms of finding stability and acceptance for myself.

It’s sometimes easy to see your illness as simply weakness when challenged; thank you for putting it all so eloquently.

Little_Tyrant41 karma

Never heard of you (apologies-- just being honest!) but reading your advice to people with friends who are suffering right now is making me tear up. Thank you-- can't wait to read up more on you and journey/history.

I've been dealing with this load for over a decade, but recently started taking medication for the first time ever, and was disheartened to find they sometimes just mark the beginning of a new, difficult period. The people in my life have watched my illness get progressively worse over the last couple years, exacerbated by the death of close friend last year. I feel their frustrations with my illness, I stress constantly about this ruined version of myself behind as a memory should I lose my fight, and it definitely compounds the problem...

Guess I'm just saying: If anyone sees this comment-- please take what OP is saying about guilt and admitting a lack of understand to the person suffering extremely seriously.

So much of depression is completely irrational, which the sufferer sometimes understands, but they just can't beat it. It's that awareness, combined with a sense of persecution and weakness, that really drive the hammer home.

Being told "i don't understand but I don't have to in order to care about you", being reminded that you have worth, these things make the biggest difference in day than you can imagine.

Little_Tyrant30 karma

Great answer. Why do you think it is that you got so much negative attention for featuring the Manor? Is it something about the experience that has been sensationalized or painted as negative? Or is it something else?