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Jourdy2882631 karma

Dear Mr. Snicket,

I hope that this letter reaches you well, and upon its arrival, that it not be misconstrued as some sort of elaborate joke on account of the bizarre holiday that has today gripped the world. I regret to inform you that in my youth, I foolishly spurned happier works of fiction in favor of your thirteen book series that filled my childhood days with misery, tears, and an irrational fear of realtors, which made it very difficult for my family to get away our little town, where the reading of certain books is rather discouraged.

It is with a great heaviness of the soul, a phrase which here means that my life has taken on such an unimaginable and large burden that I am permitted to use such phrases as “great heaviness of the soul”, that I must inform you that your course of action in life has irrevocably altered my own. Instead of choosing an ordinary and risk-free career such as medical minstrel or designer of very fancy doilies. I chose to become an author, and my life is fraught with peril- I hope you understand what you’ve done.

Though I am reluctant, I feel that it is necessary to ask you this question- when did you know that you wanted to become an author?

Thank you for reading, I hope you don’t ruin any more lives,


P.S. Suppose we happen to be at the same place at the same time, would you care to discuss life’s difficulties over an aqueous martini? I’m still too young to consume one containing vodka.

P.P.S. Apparently, somebody has seen my letter Mr. Snicket and thought that my tale was worthy of gilding. To whosoever considers my memories of woe worthy of Gold, I thank you. It is a good bit of impetus to stop beating about the bush, a phrase which here means that I should discontinue using Reddit and finally publish my second book. If only I could convince my kindly illustrator to draw a little bit faster.

P.P.P.S. /r/ASOUE is so very sadly unpopulated.

Jourdy2881583 karma

Dear Mr. Snicket,

Your response has confirmed my suspicion that the bartender across the street has been lying about his occupation and the value of a small, porcelain object.

I'll flee my house at midnight.

Jourdy2881508 karma

"Don't worry Mom, I caught The Plague!"

Jourdy288811 karma

This AMA just went from good to great.

Jourdy288253 karma

If I recall correctly, it was intentionally ambiguous. There were "advanced" computer systems and telegraphs.