IamTonyRobbins

This is a REALLY important question!

So I'm glad to see so many people voted for it.

You're absolutely right. "Middle ground" is a place of emotional & spiritual death.

The one common denominator behind people of extraordinary performance, results and success is hunger!

What i mean by hunger is: A drive to do, be, create or give more.

I mean a sense that you will NOT settle for less than you can create and give.

Intelligence is invaluable. But there are many intelligent people who can't fight their way out of a paper bag.

There are many skilled people. But skill is not enough, since you won't use it to its maximum capability if you are not driven and hungry.

So if you find yourself in that middle ground, you have 2 choices:

1) Stay where you are, and wait for a wagon wheel to come down your rut. Life will wake your ass up at some point soon! But my guess is that you're not one of those people, or you wouldn't be asking this question.

2) The more proactive approach: get around where people are playing the game of life at a higher level, and let something hit you.

What i mean is: if you play tennis with someone who's at the same skill level as you, or you're even better than, it's easy to get comfortable, because you really don't have to grow.

But if you get in the game with somebody whose ability and skill is much greater than your own, then just to stay on the court with them is enough to raise your game. And you're going to become MORE.

One of the reasons I do live events is cuz it's easy to get comfortable when you're by yourself.

It's hard to get excited about a game you're playing alone.

But when you get with 5,000 or 10,000 people, from 50 countries, in an environment that's like a rock concert - you will become re-ignited.

And you'll meet people who won't settle. And their energy is infectious. Their hunger is infectious. Their desire for more is infectious.

Just like if someone starts yawning around you, you know what happens - there's a social contagion. The same is true for hunger, drive, achievement and passion.

Get your ass out where things are better, where you are called to be MORE of who you are.

I promise you - you won't stay in the middle ground.

I send you all my best.

This is one of the most important decisions of your LIFE!

If you pick the wrong partner, life is hell.

If you pick the right one, life is heaven.

I always tell people - 80% of success in a relationship is the right selection.

I think the most valuable thing you can do is to ask 3 questions to know if this is the right person.

Just like if you were hiring someone to work for you - which also could make or break your business - the first question you'd have if you were hiring is:

• Can they do the job?

If you're interviewing someone weeks or months later, then chances are they can do the job - just as how if you're dating them months or years later, they can do the job.

Second question is:

• Will they do the job well long-term?

And the answers to that can only be found in 2 things: are your goals aligned with this person? And do your natures compliment each other?

I'll give you an example. I met a couple who had just been married, and they were coming to Fiji, where they had just come for their honeymoon.

I asked the gentleman "How long have you known each other?"

And he said "WE've been together 9 years!"

And i said "How come you're getting married now?"

And he said "She wore me down."

And I thought Ough.

And then I asked - the obvious question you ask when someone's getting married - "So are you gonna have kids?"

And he said "No, I've been married twice before, I've had my kids, I'm done with that."

I said "Well she's in her late 20s or early 30s!"

And he said "Yeah, she's 31."

I said "Is she aligned with you on this? not having any kids?"

He said "We negotiated as part of getting married not having kids."

I thought to myself This man is deluded.

Meanwhile, my wife was talking to HIS new wife.

She asked "Are you guys gonna have kids?" privately.

And the new wife said "He thinks no, but we'll have 'em within a year, 2 at the outside."

My wife and I compared notes later. Their goals were not aligned.

I said "You'll be divorced again within a few years or so max." And it only took 3 years, and he has ANOTHER child.

So it's best to align your goals. They don't have to be PERFECTLY aligned, but you have to be aligned on the big stuff.

And the third question -

• You have to make sure you have complimentary personalities.

If you're outgoing and crazy, and they're quiet and love that you're crazy outgoing, that's a home run. But if you're outgoing and they want you to be quiet, that's a real problem.

And the FINAL third question -

• Are your needs aligned?

Some people are driven more by certainty in life.

Some people are driven by variety - they want to NEVER know how things are gonna be.

Some people want to be connected and in love.

Some people want to be significant, and separate.

You have to make sure that you're aligned in your needs also.

I hope this is helpful.

Great question!

Obviously, having more money does NOT create happiness, because many rich people take their own lives. But poor people do too!

The secret is not to make as much money as you can. The secret is to create a quality of life for yourself and your family that brings you joy. The secret is to live life on YOUR terms.

Some people might live an extraordinary life as having a beautiful garden that they work in each day. Some people want to make a billion dollars. Some people want to write a great poem, or teach kids technology tools.

The secret is to find how YOU believe life should be. And provide enough economic freedom to live life on your terms.

I can tell you that research shows there's a small bump in happiness with additional income.

If you go from making $25,000 to $55,000, research shows your happiness will increase approximately 9%.

In fact, most of the research shows that happiness - for the most part - tops out at $75,000.

But the most recent research contradicts this. Research is done today where they can literally calculate how spending $10 differently can change your entire hormones of your body & your level of happiness, detecting it all the way down to changes in your saliva.

One of the research projects found that it's not how much money you MAKE, it's how you spend it that determines your happiness.

Here are 3 quick examples:

• If you spend money on THINGS, you get very little happiness.
• If you spend on EXPERIENCES, you have lasting happiness. Experiences with family, schooling, traveling the world. Because experiences give us ongoing returns in the form of memories & emotions.
• Another way to spend money that actually increases happiness is if you spend money to free up your time by eliminating some drudgery in your life. If you hate cleaning the house and the toilet, and you hire someone else to do it, who's happy to do it for pay, it frees you up to spend time on your passions.

And this significantly increases happiness in human beings.

The third way to increase happiness sounds trite, but it's scientifically proven.

And that is

• Investing in others. Spending on other people, those you know and those you don't know.

They actually experience a greater level of happiness than ANY OTHER form of spending. This has been proven around the world, in different cultures.

And it doesn't take a lot of money. Buying a stranger a cup of coffee can lift your mood for 3-5 hours.

Taking someone you love and doing something totally unexpected and special for them can lift your mood for multiple days.

So money doesn't buy happiness, but it can give you some if you know where to shop. Shop for experiences, shop for free time, shop for those you love.

Public speaking is more scary for most people than most other activities you can engage in.

Because it has the EXPOSURE of social rejection.

All of us have a fear, at some level, at some time, that we're not enough.

That we're not smart enough, attractive enough, funny enough.

It's the human condition.

One of the reasons I don't have any anxiety in speaking is not because I'm so smart or funny or good-looking - or humble for that matter, hahaha - but because whenever i speak, i do NOT focus on myself.

If you focus on yourself, I don't care who you are, you will have nerves or anxiety.

Instead, I'm exclusively focused on: How can i serve these people?

And if what I'm doing isn't working, I simply change it - whether it be a story I'm telling, the tempo of my speech, or even some of the subject matter.

If you're focused on serving, there is no fear, only guidance.

If you're not a part of what you're focused on, there are no nerves.

So my biggest piece of advice is: get obsessed about the many ways in which you can serve your audience.

And share those insights passionately, from your heart and soul.

I find that people respond to what's raw and real and caring much more than they do to a perfectly coiffed speech that someone has memorized. Who wants to listen to that shit?!

I can tell you first how NOT to do it: Don't stalk them!

:)

What would be more effective is to understand what they love and like, and what they are passionate about, and find a way to be in that environment where you can learn from them.

That can be a favorite charity they have. That could be finding a way to go to work for them, so you could be in proximity with them. In the beginning, I volunteered my time to be around people I thought would be mentors, and I didn't get access for 6 months! But then there was a natural time in which we were in proximity, and I was able to have conversations that were SO useful - plus I listened in without being obtrusive.

At this stage of my life, I'm fortunate enough to have friends in high places because I've helped people for 37 years in 100 countries. So with this book, I was able to access people because I was already coaching one of the top 10 financial traders in the world for more than 21 years. He has not lost money in 21 years!

So I know quite a bit about the financial arena, and I know many people in it. As a result, he introduced me to one person, and one person introduced me to another, and I found a way to add value to that one person, and if you do good works - if you GIVE and don't just take, if you GIVE what people need - then your network will grow. That's how I was able to get to many people that people were surprised that anyone could listen to.