Hugh-Grant

Ehm - well, when it comes to acting, he would win. But if it came to a straight fistfight, I would take that bitch down.

You're very nice to say that. But in fact, I am told that I do look pretty baggy now. Someone on Twitter the other day said I had a face like a scrotum. So I'm afraid I have no tips. You should ask someone else.

I do feel guilty.

It's all a terrible lie. And if it's any comfort - in real life, I'm a nightmare in any kind of relationship. These are all inventions just to make people miserable.

I will pour almost anything down my throat, I'm afraid.

Absolutely none. I'm a bitter and disappointed man.