Highest Rated Comments

GoldenRemembrance86 karma

The solution is to have the alienated partner take over more of the baby duties. That frees up the partner to reignite intimacy by being less tired, less anxious, positive feelings due to you helping them, and reduces resentment of the baby by encouragement of your own bond with it.

GoldenRemembrance8 karma

The person who shuts down has a responsibility to respond. They are allowed to shut down, if that’s just how they cope, but they are not supposed to just table things forever. Any withdrawal must be done with a clear and trusted declaration that they will come back to the issue later. It is absolutely essential tnat they follow through and actually allow discussion later, or the other partner will just keep chasing them because there won’t be any trust that it can be returned to calmly later. For example, you come up with a safe word.

Chaser: “Inflammatory sentence/major issue/sharp criticism/total meltdown”

Stonewaller: “I’m withdrawing, *safe word*. Be back at XYZ concrete time and I promise I’ll shut up and let you talk then actually address your statements. But you can’t chase me right now, I’m overwhelmed and I can’t listen properly to you right now. I am setting a timer. I will be back in X minutes. See you soon. I love you.”

Chaser: “Ok, I’ll write down my main points in I statements. I promise not to deviate back into You statements. See you soon. I love you.”

GoldenRemembrance3 karma

Wow. You are living my dream! :D I wish you the best, and I have only one quick question for you. For the amount of land and work you do, how many people is ideal to let it run smoothly? You mentioned friends. So you live alone or do you partner with a large amount of your daily work?

GoldenRemembrance3 karma

I think they should. Any nonstandard minority is included in them, and that technically includes asexuals.

GoldenRemembrance3 karma

How much more, and how did it affect their limb structure overall? I'm curious what natural issues you run I to when doing them beyond what you say is the standard limit, around 10 inches.