Feed_Me_No_Lies

I say this as a gay man: You've done the right thing and don't doubt it for a second.

I am happily married to a man and we have an adopted son so one can say I am definitely comfortable as a gay person. I am also well aware of the philosophical, parallel arguments between something like engineering homosexuality out of a fetus in untero and cochlear implants killing out the deaf community.

The truth is, if I had the choice, I hope my son would be straight. Not because I'm against gay people obviously, but it is a matter of challenges within the world. My teen life (and young adulthood) was miserable as a gay person. People can say "Oh, it is the fault of society and not homosexuality itself" and while that is very true, the fact remains that being such a minority was a disadvantage in many ways.

Now let's talk about deafness.

The challenges and handicaps to one's daily life that a deaf person faces are so much more severe than anything I've gone through. Sure Deaf culture has formed. Sure, it is vibrant and unique and worth something.

But at what cost? I cannot imagine for a second denying my child something so basic to survival as the ability to hear. I want to slap the shit out of the deaf community for being so against this.

I get it...I get it: "There is nothing wrong with us! There is nothing to fix!" As a gay person I've said the same thing but goddammed if I didn't wish I was straight as a teenager so that I can find a wife and have children. While I would grimace at the idea of someone "turning their kid straight" in the womb, I'd understand them wanting to. I'd get it.

I don't think the similarities between homosexuality and deafness are identical, but there are definitely parallels and I do believe it gives me some insight into this. I also believe we can accurately label deafness as a disability much more readily than we could homosexuality in today's climate, and I understand the definitions of the word disability change over time.

Anyway, have you read "Far From the Tree" by Andrew Solomon? It is his Pulitzer Prize winning book about parents raising children very different from themselves. There are chapters on dwarfism, autism etc and there is also one on deafness. I highly suggest checking it out if you haven't already.

EDIT: Link to the book [https://www.amazon.com/Far-Tree-Parents-Children-Identity-ebook/dp/B007EDOLJ2]

It's my favorite line from that movie! I quote it at restaurants all the time.

You've hit the nail on the head: Conversion therapy doesn't work. Religious-based, non-religious based, voluntary, involuntary...it simply doesn't work and as you said it is quite harmful.

I've always maintained that if it did work, we'd be looking at an entirely different landscape with regard to that issue. I believe the idea of a "gay community" would disappear within a few generations. As you already noted, this is the fear of the deaf too but I think the benefits to the deaf child outweigh anything else.

On the book: You must check it out! I think you'd really enjoy it. It is all about what constitutes identity and what is "normal." The chapter on deafness was amazing. I had no idea how few hearing parents really learn sign language. Most seem to pick up just enough to barely communicate with their kids.

Exactly. The challenges deaf people face are so much more severe than what I face as a gay person in a relatively accepting, modern, Western society.

Deaf people face a staggeringly higher number of challenges just navigating life in a hearing world.

It is why so many are cloistered together and why there are so many deaf people that simply do not associate with the hearing at all.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm also an atheist, I was raised ultra Christian and I am also gay. What do you mean by "grudge"? If you could explain a bit more in detail, I think I could help you understand what is going on. Don't beat yourself up too much. You are doing the right thing by admitting you think something is wrong. I was raised in a southern family and I still have vestiges of racial prejudice that crop of from time to time. I know it is wrong, but it does happen so I DEFINITELY understand where you are coming from.

But your "grudge" could mean "Woah... feminine guys creep me out" or "These people aren't worth as much as I am" or "Gay sex is gross" or some other kind of feeling. All of those things are very different and they require different responses. So again, some more detail would help.

Your post definitely intrigues me though, as I have spent a lot of time talking to folks with hardcore anti-gay attitudes as well as folks who used to feel that way but now don't. Also, may I ask how old you are? The only reason I ask is because this is a subject where age, life experience and exposure DO really matter. If you say "I'm 19" my response would be very different than if you say "I'm 45." One more question: Do you interact with any gay people regularly in real-life?