ExpertlyUnstable

Awesome questions! 1) It depends on the situation, but most of the time the first step in "talking someone down" actually isn't about talking but listening. I notice that a common thread with many of our visitors is a feeling of invalidation, loneliness, and/or lack of support. Maybe they tried reaching out to someone they trusted and their feelings were invalidated. Or they feel that they don't have anyone to reach out to, or that the people in their lives can't be trusted with their feelings. People often contact us because they need their feelings to be known and to be validated by another human being. So in the beginning of most chats, I listen (meaning I read what they type - we are an online chat) and even if I haven't gone through their exact same experience, I can often find empathy through my past experiences and can relate to having felt before the emotions they are feeling. So you listen, and empathize, and validate. Before I try to help them recognize reasons to live, I always first listen to their reasons to die. They are just as valid and important as one another.

2) Yes. It's extremely emotionally exhausting work. I often feel burnt out before the end of my 4 hour shift. In order to do this work effectively we have to feel with our visitors. I can't speak for my fellow counselors, but for me... I climb into the deep dark hole that my visitor is in, I sit next to them, and I allow myself to feel how horrible it is down there. One of the reasons I got into this work and eventually want to be a therapist (working towards that currently with school) is because I have struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, the first time I attempted suicide I was 8 and have had regular suicidal thoughts since (one night I wrote a suicide note to my family, didn't go through with it, and went to volunteer the next day), and I am in recovery from an eating disorder. What I've found to be the best thing for my depression and my recovery is helping people. It's such a hard job and I definitely take it home with me, but it's so worth it. I can't describe how rewarding it is.

3) Training was all provided by my organization and involved many presentations and assignments about suicidality, crisis intervention strategies, listening, communication, and more. We got trained on how to use the software and we shadowed several people before taking our first chat (which we were shadowed for). We learned how to make an active rescue (when someone is in imminent danger and needs help sent to them) and how to report child abuse to CPS. Many of our visitors are very young and based on what they have told me, I had to make a report. It's hard to describe all the training we went through! It was very thorough, and pretty much all of us volunteers are pursuing a degree in psychology/therapy/social work (some already have one) so we are always learning and implementing things we learn into our work.

Thank you so much for your questions!

Yes. I am a strong supporter of medically assisted suicide for qualifying individuals.

You are so kind! Thank you <3

Thank you for your question! It's not too personal at all. My first suicide attempt was when I was 8. But as an 8 year old, I didn't exactly know how things worked. So I took a jump-rope, sat in my room, and wrapped it a couple times around my neck, and with both arms i pulled in opposite directions, tightening it as much as my arms could. Yeah I couldn't breathe, but eventually my body's natural defenses kicked in and I was flooded with an adrenaline rush that made me drop the jump rope. Even if I could have taken it further, obviously I would have just passed out, let go of the jump rope, and been fine. But I didn't know that, and I had every intention of actually killing myself - so according to my therapist, that's classified as an attempt. The major reason for that attempt was because i was bullied really badly at school and when I tried reaching out to my parents I didn't receive the support I needed, so I felt alone, hated, ugly, worthless, and a lot of things. Little did I know that the hardest period of my life hadn't even come yet - that began when I was 13. I don't really know how to answer what it was like to be so young and attempt suicide. It felt like any other attempt, no matter my age. I felt like I urgently had to get out of here (life). To speak to what it was like to be a depressed little kid - I really think it was situational back then, and as horrible situations kept coming up over the years it turned into a weird mix of chronic depression and situational depression.

I have not recovered from the thoughts. As I said in another comment of mine, "they still come up often for me, even now. As I explain to people on chat, defeating the thoughts is not about getting to a place where they don't come anymore. That'd be awesome, but for a lot of us that doesn't happen. The suicidal thoughts continue to come up throughout our life. The important distinction to make is between thoughts and actions. Defeating the suicidal thoughts is about choosing not to act on them." I hope it's okay that I copy+pasted that ^ getting so sleepy, and I knew I worded it better earlier than when I was trying now, lol.

I've had a lot of years of therapy and I am a very analytical thinker. I analyze my thoughts, and how rational they are, and why I am thinking them. I differentiate between thoughts and feelings. I have learned coping skills that work for me about 60% of the time, and the rest of the time I wait it out. I know that it's not possible to feel as bad forever as I feel in that moment. That's what I remind myself.

As far as what motivated me to help, it was really my life experiences. I never got to really feel like a kid or teenager, so I grew up way too fast. Being bullied, going through serious illness and so many other challenges growing up, I developed a passion to help people, in crisis or otherwise, and to be an advocate for people who need it. During my darkest times, I didn't have someone to talk to. I don't think anyone should have to go through it alone, so that's why I want to be that person for other people.

Officially not able to think straight - I need to head to bed now! Thank you again for your questions

I have been lucky and I haven't come across too many trolls myself, but I have had a couple of them that you can spot right away. If they don't immediately end the chat after sending their inappropriate message (they usually do) then I have to give them this pre-written response that says they are misusing the service and continuation can result in reporting them to law enforcement (we have their IP address) and then I end the chat. Then there's the tricky ones, who disguise themselves as a real person in crisis bringing up real issues, but then as the chat goes on their story gets crazier and crazier and you wonder how this could possibly be true... I know there are people out there that do this, but I can't judge whether or not someone's story is true or not, so I respond to them all the same even if they seem fishy. Even if that person is making something up that isn't true, they still came to me because they needed to talk. Since we are a service for suicide and crisis, we can't really turn someone away who is upset and needs to talk. The definition of crisis different for every single person.