ExChildBride

Well. In my opinion, religious indoctrination starts from birth. I was primed by religious beliefs and parenting, not to value myself as an individual but rather "a follower" of Christ.

Grooming began with my ex under the guise of religion. He wanted to show "God's Love" towards me. The grooming was in the attention and leadership he offered. I had free will and choice - but that is what's up for discussion, I believe. Can a 16yr old have the emotional intelligence to act on free will under the grip of an abuser?

Thank you for that question. And for stating the abuse of human rights in the context of child marriage.

The book Under The Banner Of heaven by Jon Krakauer really triggered my contemplation. He writes about a double homicide that was committed "in the Lord's name" by a couple of devout Mormons. It wasn't the crimes that triggered me but the authors in depth look at Mormonism. I had not known any of it. Learning about Joseph Smith and his outrageous tale of the angel coming to him and then his ability to construct a whole religion from it. I couldn't believe that it still exists today and that so many people have taken the bait. I began to see how easy it is to fall into psychosis and be attracted to that sort of mythical belief system with a heaven, hell, a hero, redemption, etc.

A big turning point for me was going to my first couple of music festivals. The kind where you camp in the forest for a few days and everybody you meet is your friend. One was Pyro Music and Arts Festival in Ohio with Trevor Hall and Nahko Bear, who seemed to posses a spirituality that was... other. And the other festival was FloydFest in VA. To me, the love and community was undeniably felt. But I was only used to that type of human interaction in the bunds of church. To experience authentic people and art apart from my religion was mind blowing and a huge wake-up. "You mean, you don't need Jesus in order to express love?"

I don't know if I can speak for all those who have deconstructed, but I don't believe you can go from zero to ten. It's a chipping away little by little. Especially when you've spent the bulk of your life enslaved to the belief. I remember reading a Richard Rohr book early on and feeling the chipping, but i'd have to go back and read the book again to see why...

Thanks 🖤

Gosh that hits hard. I'm so sorry that this is a reality for you. And I understand the aspect of "It's normal" when comes to times past. It sounds like your mother's identity is so tightly wound to her relationship with this man. I can perceive a relationship where power dynamics aren't involved - but not in a 14yr old. There' so much unraveling of the self that takes place in order to question our perceptions of life and love and purpose. I would tell her that his lack of love has nothing to do with her but rather a lack in himself, that was previously fulfilled by her in a an unhealthy way. I am not speaking to you as a therapist or professional, though. Your mother's love for her partner may be a meaningful part of her existence and I can't quarrel with that no matter how strongly I feel in opposition to it.

Hello! That's a really good question, which sent me into a bit of oblivion. There's some difference in how I would describe the marriage as opposed to the individual (me or ex). I also would describe it differently now, obviously, then if I put myself back in my newlywed shoes.

I would have to say:

Patriarchal, Naïve, Exciting

Exciting because there was definitely that ignorant and innocent young love obsession. In those years I was overwhelmed with "love" / attachment. Since we, sort of, departed from society, it was completely new territory for me in many ways, and so I was very reliant on his love and care. I felt protected.

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Thanks for reading 🖤

Thank you.

Growing up, I knew our sect to be “non-denominational.” The churches we grew up in and the beliefs my parents held were relatively conservative, but not nearly as much as, say, Baptists or Calvinists..? My mother homeschooled us in younger years until we couldn’t afford it. We memorized verses and went to Awana. We were taught modesty and humility. Our church had drums and guitars, not organs and hymns. We were shielded form secular music and worldly influences. The rapture was/is a major belief held by my father. Eventually, we graduated to churches that felt more “relaxed. Worship music that caused some members to raise a hand in expression and with pastors who would crack the occasional joke, and people who wore casual clothes instead of formal wear.

When I met my ex, he was exposed to an even more unconventional sect of Christianity. One more charismatic, pentecostal. We believed in “miracles” even though we never saw any, and expressions of the “Holy Spirit” or “manifestations.” This included a whole number of things. Long prayer sessions and spontaneous worship. Smoke machines and worship dancers at church, people laying on the floor in prayer (or whatever). Beliefs were centered more around God’s “love and grace” instead of the more fundamental teachings, yet we still took the Bible as literally “God’s Word” and the whole Christian narrative was deeply imbedded.

I think 'Evangelical' would be the correct term