Ellen_Nordick_LCMHC

Good morning, ghostief. I'm sorry that this has happened to you! It sounds like you have an open heart. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not! Sometimes we have to screen people a bit; not everybody deserves to have the same access to our time, energy, and attention. I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it that way; we need to protect our hearts. Start noticing when you first start feeling like they don't care as much as you do. AND...if anyone tells you, "I'm no good for you," BELIEVE THEM!

The question to ask yourself is, "is this mine to do?", meaning, are you taking responsibility for things that other people need to be responsible for? And, to be completely honest, sometimes we HAVE to take on things that other people should take care of. For example, if a husband gets drunk and can't go to work, his wife may call and make an excuse for him because if she doesn't, he'll lose his job and that would cause problems for the family. So sometimes people have to go along with a dysfunctional system just to get by...but it would be wise to try to find other options.

That's a tough one for many of us, because we feel like we have to give and give and give, often to our own detriment. Sometimes we have to think about how much we're willing AND ABLE to give. We can't be all things to all people, as much as we'd like to. One of the things I had to learn early on as a counselor is to not work harder than my clients because that can actually cause harm. Sometimes people need to struggle a bit in order to grow. And the sad fact is, we can't always help everyone. That's a hard truth. We do the best we can do, and that's all we can do.

Hi Bartleby116! Yes, this is a VERY common problem my clients deal with. I encourage people to know their "why". As in, why don't they take good care of themselves? Is it a belief that they aren't worth it? Is it a time management issue? Lack of resources? Understanding the obstacles is the first step to making adjustments. And sometimes we have to realize that if people are counting on us, showing up at less than our best doesn't serve them well, either, and could potentially be harmful. There's a popular saying right now..."you can't pour from an empty cup", so if you won't do it for you, do it for them. (said with much care)

I think of it is putting gas in the tank...the car just won't run on empty. It sounds like you've got a lot going on, and the fact is that for most of us, there are more things to do than there are hours to do them. Prioritizing is key. Obviously housework is important, but maybe it can be done differently. Are you the only one doing the chores? One thing that a lot of my clients find helpful is to have everyone spend 10 or 15 minutes doing a "quick pick up" every night. And maybe it won't be perfect, but maybe that's ok. I'm not sure what your artistic expression is...but it's great that you have one! I wonder if you can find other like-minded people to create with, and then share that with your family?