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ElleT2342 karma

My husband and I have become roommates who co-parent & co-manage the household. We have a lot of struggles - I'm on disability because of chronic migraines & severe depression, his mom has severe Alzheimer's, and we have little-to-zero family support.

I ask him for hugs, kisses, occasional cuddles and while he'll give them to me, he doesn't unless I ask. Kisses are pecks and never sexy. We haven't had sex in years because I got tired of initiating and stopped. I'm in therapy and doing everything I can to get better, but I need affection & intimacy to help me get better. Plus I just miss him & the sexual connection!

I do not doubt our love but we both have long struggled with acknowledging & talking about our own needs. Looking back, we rarely talked about sex even when dating. When we stopped having sex, it wasn't sudden. It had been fading for years, in a large part because it was only when I asked.

He insists there are no medical issues. We both masturbate separately so I think everything is "there."He quit counseling when we started talking about needs though he very enthusiastic when asked about having an active sex life together. It doesn't help that despite our both working from home, he's an early bird and I'm a night owl thus anything after 8 is out for him, and the idea of sex in the morning is a no-go for me. I recognize that I can only change myself and am trying...

A few months ago, I offered to "rip of the band-aid" and just have sex rather than work up to it. Later I suggested that we get a little tipsy to help with nerves. He thought both ideas were great and agreed to them. With the unspoken expectation that of course, I'll initiate. I thought I'd try to seduce him but when we've had a smidge of time (usually early afternoon), I just couldn't force myself to feel sexy or work up the courage.

I'm frustrated and feel lost. What can I do to restart our sex life? Despite being exhausted from my own challenges, I miss him terribly!

ElleT2341 karma

Sorry this is long!