DrewMagary

UPDATE: She will not marry you. I jumped the gun there.

No.

BIG TELEPORTATION. That was kind of the first one. In the back of my mind is a novel called "Big Teleportation."

One dude on Twitter was like, "The BIG jokes are played out, you fucker," and it's amazing how one comment like that can plant a seed of doubt in your head. I was like, "Maybe he's right. Then again, maybe he's part of BIG BACKLASH. Fuck him."

Oh, it's gonna happen. A few weeks ago, I had to change a reservation at a restaurant, but the website said they didn't have any reservations at the time I wanted to change to. So you know what I did when I called? I said, "Hi, this is Drew Magary, GQ magazine. I was wondering if you could help me change a reservation..." That is awful. My wife overheard me do it and was like, "NEVER do that again."

I did get the earlier reservation. I don't think it had shit to do with my intro, though. I don't think the hostess even heard it.

The deal with that is that, in the summer of 2012, I was simultaneously offered a spot on GQ's masthead (FANCY!) and a salaried position at Deadspin. I'd freelanced at both before that. But part of the deal was that I would stay exclusive between my two lovers. A real French movie-type thing. That left KSK out of the mix, which is obviously too bad because I love the site. It's where I got my start, and I wish I had more time and resources to stick around. But I had to make the move. Frankly, my act there was getting stale. I can't rip on Chris Berman for making the same fucking jokes over and over if I'm gonna be writing lazy Tommy from Quinzee posts at KSK when I'm sixty.