DrMichelleStevens

Believe it or not, everyone does not grow up with these circumstances. There are actually lots of kids who grow up in fairly stable homes where the parents attend to the kids needs and offer love and support. In healthy homes, even if there are problems like divorce, the parents are mature enough to put the children's needs first. What I have noticed as a therapist is that people tend to surround themselves with people like them. So, if a person grows up in a toxic family, they tend to feel most comfortable with other people from toxic families. As a result, adults from toxic childhoods, surrounded by other adults from toxic childhoods, assume that's the way everyone grew up.

WobblyGobbledygook is correct in pointing out that I am a psychologist, so I don't prescribe meds. I do know an awful lot about treating trauma, though. When a traumatic event occurs, there are often physical symptoms, like depression and anxiety, as well as existential issues that need to be addressed (e.g., "Why did this happen?" "How will I go on?"). If a physical symptom like depression is very serious, I think meds are indicated. However, a lot of depression (if it is a single episode and clearly the result of an event) can be resolved from simply going to talk therapy. In NO CASE should some treat depression JUST with meds. Talk therapy is ALWAYS the primary treatment for depression, especially depression stemming fro trauma.

Great question! I think most people would recognize that combat, assault, rape, domestic violence, and child abuse are all traumatic. What a lot of people don't realize is that growing up in homes where there is neglect, parents are addicts, and/or children witness violence are also very damaging. It is also very damaging to be the children of messy divorces, especially if one or both parents are more concerned with their new lives than they are with their children. In addition, verbal abuse, such as being called a loser, a liar, an idiot, etc., is very damaging to children.

That's an interesting question--although a little bit beyond my area of expertise. I think many things in childhood could cause either gender of child to grow up with "daddy issues." For instance, having a dad who is abusive in the home or having a dad who lives with the family but doesn't really show interest in the children could cause "daddy issues." I think the most important thing, whether there is a father in the picture or not, is to give either gender child positive male role models. I, for instance, am in a lesbian marriage. We have a son, so there is no father. However, we try very hard to surround our son with other men (who we call "uncles") who love him and can show him how to be a good, loving, kind man.

In a nutshell, I was born into a "classic trailer-trash abuse environment." Then, when I was 8 years old, my mother moved in with a guy who, unbeknownst to her, was a sadistic pedophile. This guy, who was also an elementary school teacher, tortured me so that I would become brainwashed into being his submissive sex slave. After that, he trafficked me in a child sex ring and forced me to act in child pornography. As a result of the abuse, I developed a laundry list of mental illnesses, including depression, suicidality, PTSD and multiple personalities. I spent decades overcoming the abuse and mental illness it created. Yet, until my book was published last month, only a handful of people knew of my history. All by way of saying, NO ONE can know what other people suffer privately. And while abusive backgrounds almost certainly do some damage (usually a lot of damage), it is possible to become a "balanced and productive person." I certainly have.