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DrGloriaBrame86 karma

Have you considered that you may just be asexual, and that this IS your normal? Every single one of us is wired a little differently. Your goal should be to get to love yourself as you are, not to compare yourself to people who are not like you.

DrGloriaBrame35 karma

First, people wouldn't be doing it if they didn't get off on it, so clearly they get pleasure out of the experience. OTOH, if you're watching pro porn, they're mostly paid actors so mainly they get a paycheck out of it. But BDSMers (the ones who love extreme sensations during sex, like pain and captivity) are as "normal" as anyone else. I use normal to mean "plenty of people do it." Sex in itself isn't "unhealthy" but people with unhealthy minds may have unhealthy sex. Where can you meet a nice BDSMer? Hi, you just met me. ;) You can also look at /r/bdsmcommunity

DrGloriaBrame33 karma

I think low self-esteem cripples people from both expressing their sexuality fully and from asking for what they want. A big part of sexual happiness is feeling that you DESERVE to have a good sex life. Most of the people who I work with start out feeling that for whatever set of insecurities, they don't have the right to ask for what they want in bed. The poet Philip Larkin said it best, "They fuck you up, your mum and dad."

DrGloriaBrame22 karma

Yep, sounds like anxiety and fear are holding you back. The more you stress about not staying hard, the softer you'll get. You can try using a rubber cock ring or asking your doc to give you a scrip for Viagra to give yourself more confidence. Since masturbating to orgasm isn't an issue, this isn't organic but emotional. Maybe you need to ask yourself what you're scared about -- getting too vulnerable? not pleasing your partner? Those kinds of issues are usually best worked out in sex therapy...but try the cock ring first. :)

DrGloriaBrame20 karma

You will be able to enjoy yourself when you are able to forgive yourself. I recommend NOW. You know, logically, that it is not your fault. It's a horrible loss and you were as much a victim as the child. Stop punishing yourself for an event you could not control. Be kind to yourself, honey. You have a long life ahead of you. It's time to move forward towards future happiness. HUGS