DianaRowan

Yes! Performance anxiety feels so awful, I totally understand. Check out what I mentioned to Tunalisous (I'll copy it below in this comment), and in addition, I'd recommend a few more things:

When you're practicing, address different ways of memorizing:

1. aural memory - be able to sing the entire song away from your instrument (hearing all parts in your head) - this gives you a strong thread to hold onto that pulls you through the song no matter what happens. Plus you can practice this pretty much anywhere!

2. analytical memory - bring all your theory knowledge to the song (key/chord progression/form, etc.) - knowing the architecture means you know the structure and can recover from anything that happens. It also helps you improv if necessary, something I love!

3. kinesthetic memory - practice your song air-guitar style (for real), slowing everything down so that you're deliberately knowing exactly where you're going next. Like learning choreography. This gives incredible confidence and taps into all your body wisdom.

How do these ideas sound to you?

Copied from another comment: [To help manage stage fright] the very first thing is to remember why you love singing in the first place. Really tap into that first love you had before you know what you know now, letting go of all the baggage we start carrying around as time goes on. Tap into those early memories of loving singing and reconnect to that energy and that pure inspiration you had. Use that as your inspiration going forward and stand up for that lovely person.

Secondly, do performance practice at home in front of a camera (phone is fine.) This replicates the performance energy we get in front of people amazingly well. This kind of "exposure therapy" starts to make performing normal, like it's just something you do. And you don't have to rewatch the video! The point of this exercise is to get used to having an "eye" on you. At first, it's nerve-wracking, and then it honestly starts to become an everyday thing.

Thirdly, remember that ultimately people want to feel, not to judge. People hunger to feel alive, to be moved. Most people are good. Most people are going through the same struggles as we are. By connecting to your listeners this way, the barrier between performer and audience lowers, and instead, you find yourself coming from a place of sharing and connection.

Let me know how these ideas resonate with you!

Yes! I'm hearing this a lot from people and you're not alone. We've gone through a massive cultural trauma, so there's some ptsd from that, so be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Being around people all the time can make us feel outside of ourselves (especially if you're an introvert), and that makes it harder to tap into your internal motivation. But it's still there, for sure! Making some time to just sit with yourself could go a long way to replenishing your inspiration and motivation wells.

On my site I have a free inspiration "mini-retreat" that's super short and effective, so I first recommend going there and signing up for that - it's on the front page, can't miss it. It's right up your alley, I feel, and goes into more depth than I can here.

Also, in order to feel motivated, we have to have our dopamine flowing. Certain surprising things tank our dopamine levels. One of them can be watching too many videos on YT, reading too many articles online, etc. They invoke "toxic mimicry," where we feel we're doing something and experiencing something. We feel strangely satisfied and have little urge to do anything further. But in reality, we haven't been following our own creative path, just someone else's. So I recommend a radical paring back of all online activities that aren't about you directly (what we're doing here is about you, so it's all good :) ) At first it may feel uncomfortable and difficult thoughts may arise - sit with them. These are the first signs that your fire is returning, your urge and will. These are what will dirve you forward again!

Lmk how this sounds to you!

Love this! I feel you have a great approach with interpretation/expression woven in from the beginning since that affects how we're addressing the passage technically. If we learn "the notes" first and add expression later, it's like we have to relearn the piece to some degree, as we'll be adding new movements (or eliminating previous habits, which is tough.)

When I'm memorizing, I like to look at it through different lenses, such as the three types of memorization mentioned in Crushinator2's comment (I'll paste them here for easy reference). This keeps the creativity alive for me, as I'm combining new perspectives and ideas all the time. I see new things each time. So I am doing the heavy lifting of memorizing, but it's still feeling very creative and expressive.

How does this sound?

The 3 types of memorization

1. aural memory - be able to sing the entire song away from your instrument (hearing all parts in your head) - this gives you a strong thread to hold onto that pulls you through the song no matter what happens. Plus you can practice this pretty much anywhere!

2. analytical memory - bring all your theory knowledge to the song (key/chord progression/form, etc.) - knowing the architecture means you know the structure and can recover from anything that happens. It also helps you improv if necessary, something I love!

3. kinesthetic memory - practice your song air-guitar style (for real), slowing everything down so that you're deliberately knowing exactly where you're going next. Like learning choreography. This gives incredible confidence and taps into all your body wisdom.

Right? I cut myself off from YT and reading online articles for around 40 days right now and can't believe how much more motivated I am. I'm doing my own things much more. Before, I would watch a gardening tutorial and say "that was great!" and sit there with a cup of coffee behind the computer for the rest of the afternon lol.

Beta-blockers were 100% part of my journey and I'm grateful to them for helping rewire my brain. They have to be by prescription because there are some interactions and restrictions around them medically, but for sure they were important allies to me.

If you try them, first do them outside of a performance. See how you react to them. I remember a friend taking beta-blockers before a big exam, whereupon she lost all motivation and just sat there happily. They can sometimes work too well, and take your edge off. Not for me though, because I had such intense anxiety, I had more than enough edge holy moly.