Custombell

My mom is perfectly happy with this arrangement. I’m happy with this arrangement. Why are you so upset?

Your mom is perfectly happy with your boundary imposed, so that’s why you and her had to compromise somewhere in the middle to where she’s still giving you a gift but that gift is that she gifts money to charity in your name??

I really can’t help but to think there’s some very strong mental gymnastics being performed here in order to defend your need to have this boundary. I am upset because you seem like you may be dismissing the feelings and intentions of others (specifically your own family members in this case) in order to make your holidays easier on yourself.

If you’re someone whose empathetic and can understand that others may be hurt by being excluded from an action that is again, some peoples entire love languages, then I can’t see them seeing setting this boundary as “one little simple act that transforms their season from stressful to relaxed” as you put it in a dystopian infomercial salesperson type of way.

But, if you count your own feelings as more important than that of those around you, then you’ll be able to defend this specific boundary being set to the moon and back.

Plus, I take major issue with you pushing this narrative that gifts HAVE to be stressful purchases.

Gifts CAN BE independent of capitalistic consumerism, and I personally think the best gifts are actually self-made. You can spend any amount of time at any time of the year to make something custom and special for others, and it’ll almost always mean something more than a black friday financial purchase in the name of just HAVING a gift to give.

Just saw the other comment you made while I was typing and you all ready do this with the custom playlist and the cooking- so you really are gift giving by gifting things like a future night of cooking for them or a tray of cookies. You just.. don’t consider these gifts to be gifts because you didn’t explicitly buy them?

Hmm. Kinda muddies the whole “no gifts” boundary in my opinion.

It is selfish to want to give a gift to someone who doesn’t want said gift just to try and bring them joy still, because it DOES bring you joy to gift them; I will not refute this. It’s a thing.

You know what’s WAY MORE selfish to do, though? Not just suck it up and be a mature person when someone gifts you something you don’t like and instead make a stink about how you were serious about your gifting boundary and that you’re not going to TOUCH their gift, and how they need to return it for you because it would take time and effort on your end to dispose of this.. resource they bestowed you with.

In the example the other guy gave you about having to make small-talk at work in order to not be rude to your coworkers; it would be extremely selfish and inhuman levels of rude to tell your coworkers “please do not talk to me in the mornings about non work related things. I am not here to spend time doing that with you”.

If you disagree, then you’re willing to emotionally hurt people in your life for your own selfish gain of not wanting to be burdened with something that brings them joy. Congrats I guess, but that’s rude as fuck no matter the re-framing and mental gymnastics.

There’s people who give a fuck about what others feel, and there’s people who don’t.

All you’re showing is that you’re in the camp of not giving a fuck about the feelings of others as long as YOU get what you want from an interaction.

You’re soooo right, giving others gifts during the holidays is the most selfish desire I have.

Redditors showing they understand basic human decency and kindness once again, hahaha.

Yeah.. this is not setting boundaries. This is being an unsociable dick to people that have the intention of spreading joy and happiness.