CuriousFathoms

Hello everyone, thanks so much for doing this. I was dx’d BP1 about 5 years ago and I have tried many meds and a few therapies over the years. I’m still working through the trauma of the fallout from the manic episode that lead to my diagnosis. I’ve been in a mostly depressive state since then.

I am terrified to “get back out there” and live my life again, mostly from fear of triggering another episode. I know most of my triggers but I’m still finding it difficult to really live with this diagnosis even though I’ve made many positive and healthy changes.

I am so painfully aware of my moods now, that any positivity and joy makes me cringe. Sounds weird, but those with BP would understand.

My question is: How do you process the shame that stems from the behaviours that inevitably spiral out of control in an episode? I can tell myself over and over again that I was not in control, but deep down I don’t really believe that. Therapy has helped a bit, but I am still stuck.

I want to thrive again, and not be stuck in survival mode forever.

Thanks reading this and thanks again for your time.