Cottonturtle

I set an alarm on my phone for this.

Okay, here we go.

In the summer of 2016, out of the blue I noticed I was having trouble breathing. I have a hard time getting a deep breath. I went and saw a doctor and they couldn't really pinpoint it. I did one of those breathing tests for asthma and they did see that my bronchial tubes were spasming but nothing changes when I use an inhaler. Also- this breathing problem is constant. I haven't been able to normally breath for almost two years now. Anyway, I saw a lot of other specialists and they couldn't really either. They just gave me vague advice like exercise and eat healthy, both of which I was already doing.

Side Note: The only health history I have is a mild case of Crohn's disease. I was diagnosed with Crohn's in 2015 and by 2016 I was having absolutely no symptoms and my blood tests all showed healthy. The slight inflammation in my colon / large intestine was no longer there.

Anyway, fast forward to August of 2017. I still have this breathing problem. I'm driving home from a party when I suddenly have this thought:

"I'm all alone. It's past midnight. What if I have a breathing episode and no one is there to help me?"

I had the worst anxiety attack of my life in that moment and had to pull over. I thought I was going to pass out and for a second I swore I saw myself a third person's view.

Ever since that moment, I've had extreme anxiety. And yes, I still have the breathing problem. I'm convinced if/when the breathing problem goes, so will be anxiety, but I'm not so sure anymore.

Since then I haven't been able to get into a car by myself. I just can't drive anywhere without feeling terribly anxious, dizzy, faint, etc. I can't sleep by myself. I sleep in my parent's room because I wake up with attacks, thinking I'm gonna stop breathing in my sleep. I get anxious in public places because I think I'm gonna have a breathing episode in front of a lot of people. Now- I'd like to point out this isn't a social anxiety thing- at least I think it isn't. This is all new to me so I'm not really sure. I love going out, seeing people, meeting friends, etc. Admittedly, I've always been intensely excited when I go out, but never anxious.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to take baby steps to get myself back to where I was. For example, the other day I went out with a friend on a walk and I felt fine. I didn't need to text / call my parents, I genuinely enjoyed myself. It was a much needed victory. But this anxiety has really taken a toll on me. I've stopped exercising because I'm too afraid of my breathing to get heavy, I don't socialize because I'm having too much discomfort when I try and see friends, I'm not driving because I'm afraid I'll pass out at the wheel. I've never had anxiety before, so this is all very new to me. Either way, it's terrible. I feel useless.

I'm 19 and I want to feel like all the other 19 year olds out there: Invincible. Instead, I'm practically homebound and need to be around someone 24/7.

I'd love some insight on this. Thank you!

Edit: I've received many replies and DMs about this, and I just want to thank you all who've reached out. People are sharing their similar situations. stories with me, offering advice, etc. It's such a beautiful and reassuring thing to know that there are others facing this. It's so easy to think you're alone, and I often did that myself. Thank you all.

Ahh, I'm sorry to hear you had a similar experience.

I too took several tests only to find out everything was normal and healthy. It honestly scares me that I'm struggling so much with these issues yet no one can find out why. I guess it's good that it's nothing serious, I just wish I knew what was happening. Knowing is half the battle.

Best of luck with you and your health. Sending you good thoughts as well. Thanks for reaching out. <3

Thank you so much for your response. It really means a lot.

I'm glad to hear baby steps is the way to approach this.

the natural thing to do is to try to avoid anything that reminds you of what's happened (that's an anxiety trigger).

Unfortunately, avoidance feeds anxiety and makes it worse.

Ahh, I was afraid to hear this. My day to day life is currently setup to experience the least anxious situations as I can. Hence staying home all the time, having my parents drive instead of driving alone, being in situations that I find comfortable, etc.

I've talked to my parents about different ways of getting behind the wheel. Maybe step 1 is driving to the park (which is about 2 mins away) with them driving in front of me in a separate car. Maybe step 2 is me driving to the park with them no longer to follow. Things like that. I guess the reason I haven't started is because I've found ways to work around and manage the anxiety, instead of beat it. I hate to admit that since it's almost a loser's attitude, but it's true. I want to beat this so, so badly, but I'm letting fear get in the way. I guess I just need to trust myself.

I've never been to a therapist, but I definitely feel strange about it. I want to find someone who is very genuine and honest. I'll look more into it though.

Thank you again for your response. Like I said in my original post, being 19 and in this state is really not pleasant. I mean, it's not pleasant at any age, but I think I'm taking it especially hard as an adolescent.

I will continue to do baby steps, and maybe even try to make a little game out of it. See what "levels" I can pass or what levels I'm still stuck on. :)

Fiplomatic as duck.

If you got to collaborate with anyone, who would it be?