Constip8d

Just wanted to post on this for my brother, who did exactly this. Once he graduated high school, he turned down scholarships, packed up what he could carry, and roamed the country. He panhandled some, worked some, but mostly just hung out and apparently did drugs. He overdosed on heroin a few years ago up in Washington State, but I always admired his decision to just say, "Fuck it, I'm out." Mom, on the other hand, is still devastated by it all. Please, every so often, just drop a line and let your parents know you're ok. If you don't already.

I've been thinking about this response all day. No one wants to speak ill of the dead, so I've been looking at pictures and remembering the brother I knew because I always viewed him as smart, honest, and talented. Did I think of him through rose colored glasses, or was he really these things? There was honesty in his laugh - if it was funny to him, it was the funniest damn thing on the planet, and he laughed with his whole body. He would fiercely defend his friends and their decisions, quick to correct someone if they spoke poorly of someone. He took advice from people freely, but never compromised his own sense of self when doing something. He taught me, a 20 year military veteran, that you should never fight the fights that you think you can win, you fight the fights that need to be fought, even if you're going to lose.

In the papers, he was a vagrant and a number on a statistics report. To most of the country, he was a druggie who danced one too many times with the needle. To those that knew him, he was a good, smart, honest, and talented human who carved his own path in life by shunning societal norms. To those of us in his family, we just miss his laugh. His voice. His insight. I've come to realize that I'm not seeing him through some filter that we apply to the dead that makes them more than they were. He really was a great person.

Thanks for today, man. I haven't thought this much about him in a long, long time without feeling heartbroken. It's easy to forget what we've lost, but today I've thought only about what I had. Thanks for that. Be safe, don't make decisions that don't affect you, and take care.