ChildTherapist

I was hoping someone would ask this!

Yes (although it was the attorneys, not the offender themselves). Going back 15+ years, this was a defense that was employed and part of what continues to feed into the "it couldn't be rape if s/he responded" mindset.

There are a number of laws in the U.S. now that won't allow this as a solid defense, though it is still raised from time to time.

I mentioned in the intro that I had the opportunity to advise on such a case. Glad to say the outcome was to confirm that orgasm does NOT equal consent. The case was more complex than that, but that's the basic outcome.

Great question and I'm glad it's the first one asked. This is what is very difficult for a lot of people to get.

Orgasm and sexual arousal is primarily a physical reaction. Not to get too technical off the bat, but our sexual response is guided more by our autonomic nervous system. If you remember our highschool science, this is also known as the "fight or flight" system. In dangerous or highly charged emotional situations, this is part of our bodies defense system. Sexual arousal is very much keyed in here. When areas of our body are stimulated, our body doesn't know the difference between what is and isn't wanted and responds the way it is designed to.

An easier way to reframe this is to use the example of young children who are molested. There is little argument that a child "enjoys" a forced arousal and yet this is sadly a common feature of child sexual abuse.

Definitely yes. It isn't so much due to having the physical response, but more to do with the feelings of shame and guilt around it.
I spend more time talking through their experience of what happened and correcting their negative thoughts about it. That they "liked" what happened, that it wasn't really rape because a part of them felt good during it, etc.

I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this. There's a lot of questions and I'm answering in order, then refreshing and going back again.

I am very sorry for your gf. It's sadly very common and I've heard this story more times than I wish. Yes, it would be SO good for her to read similar accounts, to see that it's not unusual and to have some therapy so she doesn't have to feel ashamed and dirty about what her father did. You're a great man to want to help her deal with this.

There are many of us who are "functional" who you would never know had this history. We learn to keep it inside, that people don't want to know or hear about this, that it makes others uncomfortable. This is one reason why I think this AMA is so necessary!

I'm a fan of direct communication, even when it's hard. I would have you do something along the lines of, "I remember what you told me and I want to help." Then show her this AMA and tell her you love her and leave the room. She'll either read it and have some thoughts of her own or she won't. If she's not ready, she's not and that's ok.
But it's usually a lot easier to be introduced to this with as much freedom to take it or leave it as possible. It's why sites like RAINN, Pandy's and ScarletTeen are so popular (and good! seriously, check them out).

You loving her and being ready when she is is the most important thing you can do.

Rape roleplay and forced sex are very common fantasies women have, it's true. But it's separate from the idea of really being raped. In one, the woman has total control over the fantasy or roleplay and can decide how she wants it to go. The whole idea of rape is to take power and control away from the victim and force them to experience something against their will.

So, in a way rape CAN lead to a desire to somehow "redo" what happened as a way of retaking control. It is one of the after effects I've seen, and it is more common in women who had a sexual response during.