BUDDHIST_EXTREMIST

I had sex with my mother when I was younger(no I'm not that guy and I can't prove it) and I orally satisfied my stepdad. Sometimes I'd watch him fuck her, sometimes he'd watch me fuck her. When I was about 11 years old, it suddenly stopped happening.

However, no one has mentioned it since, and I'm too ashamed to bring it up. I think about it all the time. I also think that I hate her, but can't specify a reason. I enjoyed it at the time and was never forced to do anything. What's your take on this? I still can't see a psychiatrist since I'm 16 and still living with them. My sex life is normal, but I'm not sure about my sexual orientation.

EDIT: If someone's interested, I'd answer any questions about that time. If anyone was in a similar situation, please PM me. I need someone to talk to.

I'm not from the states, and our 'counselor' is also my psychology teacher.

It's a small town, and I don't trust her. Also, I feel uncomfortable doing that. I really have no one to talk to. I want to tell my girlfriend, but I fear she'd never look at me the same ever again. I just don't know what to do.

Well, I'm certainly thankful for your answer, but I just can't do that.

Everyone knows my family here and no one would believe me. I'm also scared that it will get out somehow.

I think I'll just wait until I can pay for a psychiatrist in another town myself.

I'm not a catholic/protestant. We don't have confessionals and such.

But I do know some people who have talked to a priest here.

I'm afraid he'll look at the situation from a religious point of view...I don't know. The main reason is that I'm ashamed.

Thank you.

I was expecting a lot of people calling bullshit or telling me that I'm a karma-whoring liar...
Everyone's been great!