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ArtemisEst75 karma

In 2009, I experienced a near death experience of being ejected from a car at 80 miles an hour. I was 17, a week out of high school. I was in a coma for three weeks and when I came too, my brain trauma had caused me to forget most of the prior year. My body is scarred and in constant pain. I have suffered consistent anxiety and mental health issues subsequently, but self-loathing and suicidal tendencies are the most prevailing ones. I cannot learn self-respect or self-love. My mother was the woman who stayed by my side, and my only parent and support net. She passed away at the end of last year frog leukemia and I'm having a hard time rationalizing the point of existence beyond these life experiences. We are all meant to die and every day I am still greeted with that fear that death will come at any minute and unexpectedly. It makes me want to give up, and I find myself over encumbered with the fear that all is for nought. I don't have many friends, I lock myself away apart from when I work. I'm on several anti-depressants but nothing helps me. How do you cope? What helps too pull you away from cognitive dissonance and self loathing when you feel yourself regressing into that mindset?

ArtemisEst12 karma

I see a counselor weekly and I take medication to help, but everything just feels so desolate. I know you are right and it's all about perspective. I wish I didn't have such a difficult time with positivity. Hope seems like a harsh light at the end of a tunnel that is nothing more than a piece of cheese dangling before me as I run in this rat race that is only a cyclical torment. Thank you for your kind and helpful words. I will do my best to find hope in something. I wish I knew how to trust and value myself. I feel that may be my greatest downfall