AbsurdWebLingo
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AbsurdWebLingo260 karma
I will allow this and listen to this only if he is allowed to insert his own commentary about things he just read. "something from 50 shades of gray WHATT THEE FUUUCCCCCKKKKK ARREEE YOOUUUU SSEERRRIIOOUUUSSSS THIS GIRL NEEDS A ROLE MODEL"
AbsurdWebLingo60 karma
The first time I saw it when they hopped on board with the blind man chugging away at the hand cart and telling them what he sees I was like huh, that guys gotta be a reference to the blind prophet. Then the rest of the movie I was just like: sirens, cyclops, man who is in constant pain and sorrow, hiding from the cyclops dressed as "sheep". And the list went on and on. I chose it as a topic for my speech in communications, my teacher hadn't read The Odyssey nor seen the movie. Ended up with a B+. :/
AbsurdWebLingo558 karma
Here at cracked we write a lot of lists. And we do mean a lot. Just last week we wrote a list about the creepiest things done with taxidermy. As though taxidermy itself isn't already creepy enough. But I'm sure you're wondering when our list of lists is going to run out. Simple answer, it's not. Because we're awesome. Don't believe us? Consider this...
#7. There is shit happening all the time. Seriously, just now some shit happened.
Things happen all the time, in fact right now, some stuff is happening. I'm pattering away at a keyboard. You're masturbating to pictures of Olympians (you left the curtains open, seriously cover yourself up), someone somewhere is doing some sciencey things that the majority of the world couldn't even comprehend. Things are happening and we're here and ready to make a fun list out of them. The lists will never stop just like the news will never stop. They just are.
#6. You guys will read anything for a laugh.
Not even kidding. One of our writers got away with making a list about how not to die at the beach. As mentioned at the top, another got away with writing creepy things done with taxidermy. As long as it's funny, well-written, and a bit off-beat; our readers will soak it up like mid-day rays at the beach (unless you're a goth, in which case please avoid the beach).
#5. We have like, a billion writers work-shopping ideas and we're looking for more some of the time.
Are you a pretty funny person? Do you have some creative ideas for lists or videos or know some stuff about some things? We want YOU! Do you have wonderful clear penmanship? We really don't care, this is the internet and you're going to be typing. My penmanship is dog shit awful, but here I am, a Cracked writer*. Here at Cracked you can join in on the whimsy and what have you by signing up to be a cracked writer. You will be given access to the contributor's forum where you will be able to workshop ideas with other clever, intelligent, interesting people. If you write something that is pretty uhh, pretty good, we'll even pay you and you can flaunt your cleverness in front of millions of people! Tired of being witty for free on your favorite internet forum? Come write for Cracked.com and get some money! You might even be good enough to become a regular contributor. Those who frequent this site need not apply, or maybe all of you should apply, we're not even sure ourselves.
*author of this article is not a cracked.com contributor and has no affiliation with the site.
#4. Those aren't the droids you're looking for.
Part of the fun of Cracked.com is that our readers don't know what they will find when they get there. There is a certain degree of "lol, what the fuck" involved that makes us unique. You might find yourself watching a video about sex as understood by an adolescent boy or reading about 15 Unintentionally Perverted Children's Toys and think to yourself, lol what the fuck did I just read. And that's part of the charm of Cracked.com; you never really know what you're in for so there are no expectations from our readers about the content, we are free to write about pretty much anything.
#3. We can make lists as long or short as we want.
There are no guidelines to our lists. We can have them as long, or as short as we want, and the content of each item can be as long or as short as we want. The only structure required for the lists are that they are lists. Every item on the list doesn't even really need to be completely related to every other item on the list. We could just skip an item to write penis if we wanted to, but we wouldn't publish that unless the writer was really able to make it work.
#2.
Ahem... PENIS!
#1. Which brings me to my last point.
The lists will never run out because of our wonderful readers. We may not get along outside of our comedic world. We may have differences politically, religiously, sexually, genetically, inspirationally, rationally, in a dark alley, but laughter is universal and that is something we can share here, together, and it all plays out beautifully.
Our lists won't end so long as we can bring a smile to your faces and a roll to your eyes because there is a certain poetry in that sort of shared experience of millions of people. Even if you are on your own having a laugh on our site, someone, somewhere, sometime, will be doing the same as you for those moments and will feel just as you do for the brief time that we can hold your attention. Also... Penis is a funny word.
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