Comments: 4170 • Responses: 69 • Date: 2012-02-17 22:27:51 UTC
EvanMathisThrowaway2578 karma2012-02-17 22:28:18 UTC
Evan, HUGE FAN. Who's your favorite player?
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EvanMathisThrowaway2563 karma2012-02-17 22:28:33 UTC
Evan Mathis is my favorite player. He is awesome.
EvanMathisThrowaway1996 karma2012-02-17 22:54:56 UTC
Okay, so I'm in a football stadium but there's a 20 foot tall tree on the 50 yard line. I am in said tree with a two foot sharpened rock blade. A Tyrannosaurus makes his way to the tree. He gets within a few feet and I jump off onto the top of his head. I stab his head as hard as I can but nothing happens. He starts to move his head around and I struggle for balance. He is trying to grab me but isn't coming close. I gather myself, rear back, and impale his eye with the blade. He lets out a loud, painful roar. I reach in his eye socket, grab his brain, and rip it out like Kano would a heart. He falls to the ground. I run with his brain to the end zone and fulfill a lifelong dream by scoring the first touchdown of my entire career.
EvanMathisThrowaway1570 karma2012-02-18 00:55:40 UTC
And that's the way I wrote it. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
EvanMathisThrowaway1411 karma2012-02-18 03:48:57 UTC
My prom was boring. But one time I went to some prom after party in LA dressed up like Woody Harrelson and met this chick named Roseanne. Sweetest girl ever. Everything was a fairytale until I lost her damn number. :(
EvanMathisThrowaway1214 karma2012-02-18 00:26:42 UTC
I am socially awkward penguin not Vinny Chase.
EvanMathisThrowaway1000 karma2012-02-18 00:33:41 UTC
EvanMathisThrowaway997 karma2012-02-17 23:03:18 UTC
EvanMathisThrowaway914 karma2012-02-18 00:07:39 UTC
Well sir, you need to update your roster. I'm a 77 and not even on a team on Madden 2012. Update your roster and I'm a 91, yayyyyy.
In college, David Pollack grabbed my balls a few times during a game.
EvanMathisThrowaway878 karma2012-02-17 23:26:21 UTC
If we could convince him to. I'm sure he gets requests like that every day.
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