I am twenty-three years of age, and tomorrow I will be flying out to Switzerland to start the four month process of being assisted in suicide. I have chosen Dignitas to help me end my life, and I thought I would answer some questions from Reddit. I have terminal lung, and bronchial cancer, and my quality of life, and the amount of medication I need to take to live some form of normality is no longer worth it to me. I have posted proof to the moderators, and have chosen to remain anonymous as assisted suicide is not legal in my country, and their is no form of protection which would stop my family members being charged with assisting my suicide.

Edit: I am sorry I am back from Switzerland now, and it was a rather emotional journey so was not up to answering questions

Price Dignitas, have invoiced me $11,000 for the both the preperation, the assistance in suicide, and dealing with medical costs, and other requirements.

Comments: 1847 • Responses: 39  • Date: 

Broadband-914 karma

As a Starcraft 2 Fan, I had no clue about Team Dignitas' parent company and what they did.

Edit: For those that didn't see the comments, apparently Team Dignitas is not associated with the Dignitas we were talking about. I assumed it was a company team like many in Korea but upon further discovery I found they just liked the name. Glad I wasn't the only one confused =/

dignitaspatient309 karma

Ha Ha Ha.

othankevan631 karma

Just threw out my cigarettes.

dignitaspatient682 karma

You've just made me cry! I've made a difference in someone's life, and that makes me so happy! If you start smoking again I will come, and haunt you ;3

sparrohz167 karma

Thumbs up. I just quit smoking too. Glad you found some inspiration today, even though the OP didn't get it from smoking, it sure is eye opening.

dignitaspatient322 karma

If you start smoking again I will come, and haunt you!

KennyLog-in598 karma

This user has verified that he has many respiratory and pain prescription meds.

dignitaspatient429 karma

I want to state that I included no respiratory drugs, and that I believe he has mistaken my chemotherapy tablets for respiratory drugs.

[deleted]244 karma

Was there any verification that he actually has terminal cancer and/or is working with Dignitas? A lot of people have respiratory and pain meds.

BigDrunkPartyAnimal160 karma

I don't know why this is getting down-voted. This wouldn't be the first AMA where someone pretended to be terminally ill.

dignitaspatient184 karma

You should up vote this. We all have rights to express opinions, and not downvote them, just because we do not agree with them. I do want to state that I had no respiratory drugs, I think he has mistaken my chemotherapy tablets for those.

mprey37 karma

Just wondering, if your case is deemed hopeless at this point why are you still taking chemotherapy drugs?

dignitaspatient241 karma

It's to increase the quality of what life I have left.

[deleted]71 karma

Yeah, but a lot of people haven't been around long enough to remember the fiasco when the guy from Oregon or whatever a couple years ago. I'm always wary of these "I'm dying" AMAs. I know they can be fascinating for people, but I don't like seeing them. The potential for trolling is huge.

dignitaspatient89 karma

What happened to the guy from oregon? I just wanted to answer some questions, and not upset people.

[deleted]59 karma

Here's a news article about the ordeal and here's the actual AMA.

I'm not saying that I don't believe you, but I think better verification material should be provided before I'll take this AMA seriously. Do you have any documentation about being a Dignitas patient?

dignitaspatient83 karma

I've done everything over the phone as of now, but I will be receiving documentation in relation to Dignitas tomorrow which I would not mind posting. I did not want emails etc, which could be used as evidence against my mother.

Lifeless_Eyes360 karma

Are you afraid?

dignitaspatient784 karma

I'm not afraid of death. It's the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life. ~Jean Giraudoux, Amphitryon, 1929

fj785201 karma

Have you considered cooking meth?

dignitaspatient167 karma

No. I can safely say the thought has not crossed my mind.

_cornflake201 karma

How long have you been ill?

When did you find out your illness was terminal?

What country are you originally from?

Why does the process take four months? (I should remember this but I'm having a slow day, forgive me.) Will you be in Switzerland all that time?

Will you have family/friends/loved ones with you during your stay? Are they supportive?

What do you plan to do, if anything, the day before you finally commit suicide?

I am glad that you have the opportunity to travel to Switzerland and end your life the way you see fit, with dignity. I wish so much you didn't have to leave your home and fly to a foreign country in order to do this. Godspeed, my friend; I wish you peace.

dignitaspatient395 karma

You ASK ALL THE QUESTIONS!!! :3

How long have you been ill?

1 year, 11 months, 28 days.

When did you find out your illness was terminal?

I was told from the very beginning that all they could do was prolong my life, but it would ultimately kill me rather quickly.

What country are you originally from?

I am only willing to say I live in Europe - I wish to remain anonymous for reasons I explained earlier.

Why does the process take four months? (I should remember this but I'm having a slow day, forgive me.) Will you be in Switzerland all that time?

I have already answered the first part, but no I will not be in Switzerland all this time.

Will you have family/friends/loved ones with you during your stay? Are they supportive?

Yes. I will be with my mother when the time comes as she brought me into this world I want her to be with me when I leave it. My mother supports me 100%, and that's all I care about through all of this.

What do you plan to do, if anything, the day before you finally commit suicide?

I plan to spend the day with my mother praying in the local synagogue to ask for forgiveness, and atone for my sins. If you're talking prior etc than I currently spend as much time as possible with my mum.

_cornflake96 karma

Well, it's an IAMA, all the questions are necessary ;3

I'm so glad to hear you have your mother with you. She sounds like a wonderful lady. And that you will be able to spend some more time in your home country before you go (don't worry about not saying where, I am from the UK and I know how strict laws about things like this are in most of Europe). I am not Jewish so I'm not an expert on what Jewish beliefs about death or suicide are generally, but I hope with all my heart you find peace and can feel content with your life and your decision.

dignitaspatient62 karma

Thanks.

Schenkspeare193 karma

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I fully support anyone's right to assisted suicide, but how angry does it make you to hear folks say you shouldn't have that option?

dignitaspatient527 karma

Extremely. It saddens that an animal which is suffering, and in pain can be put to sleep, but as a human being I have to suffer, and have no life at all.

jamie79512118 karma

I'm sorry. That's all I can really say. I don't really have a question, but I can relate.

My sister died from Melanoma exactly 3 moths ago today. I miss her so much, but at the time I was kind of relieved. I was glad that she would no longer be in pain.

To want her here with us, in such pain, seemed very selfish to me. That thought made it easier to let her go. From what I gather in your other replies, I'm glad that your mother sees this as well, that it's better to move on than to suffer.

While that thought may help your mother some, it's still going to be the hardest thing she's ever gone through. I hope everything goes well for you and your family.

dignitaspatient71 karma

Thanks, and I will keep your sister in my thoughts.

exfarker109 karma

Have you tried shrooms? I always thought if I was dying I'd spend all my days getting fucked up. Have you considered this?

dignitaspatient264 karma

No. It would send me on some serious trip with all my other medication I think I would meet Bob Marley himself on that trip.

WcDeckel171 karma

then it would be totally worth it, my friend.

dignitaspatient172 karma

If I get to see the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland than I am totally there.

Vashy95 karma

First I would like to share my condolences, I could not image what you are going through.

I do however have two questions.

There are obviously costs involved with flying to Switzerland etc. Why not just take it into your own hands?

Also you mentioned the process takes 4 months, and you seem ready to go now. Is there a reason why it takes that long, and is part of you hopeful that the time away will help you reevaluate how you want to spend the remainder of your life?

dignitaspatient175 karma

I do not want you to feel sorry for me or pitty me I am not asking for that.

There are obviously costs involved with flying to Switzerland etc. Why not just take it into your own hands?

I want it to be as painless, and quick as possible I do not want to risk their being complications, and the end result suffering even more if something does not go right. I also want my family to be with me, and I could not put them through some botched suicide attempt.

Also you mentioned the process takes 4 months, and you seem ready to go now. Is there a reason why it takes that long, and is part of you hopeful that the time away will help you reevaluate how you want to spend the remainder of your life.

These are terms, and conditions set out by Dignitas as all sorts of proceedings need to take place before I can be assisted in suicide. It's a common mistake people make that Dignitas is in fact a clinic where people go to die, and this is simply not the case. I have to organise doctors/nurses who will assist in my suicide, and organise for me to be acessed mentally to make sure I am 100% sound of mine, and am capable of making this decision as well as having my medical history looked at to confirm my cancer is terminal - as well as legal proceedings to protect their own backs.

No. I do not want to continue on any longer, and I have absolutely no doubts in my mind this is the way I want to go.

dignitaspatient76 karma

This Mortal Coil - Song to the Siren "Cocteau Twins" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUmdR69nbM

This song brings me so much peace, and I will have this played at my funeral, and when I am ending my life.

wikipedia-brown46 karma

What do you personally think happens after death? Have your beliefs changed at all since your diagnosis?

dignitaspatient113 karma

Have your beliefs changed at all since your diagnosis?

Yes! I use to describe myself as a non-denominational Christian, and struggled to keep my faith upon my diagnosis, and the whole idea of heaven, and hell. I decided to switch my beliefs to the Jewish belief system not long after as it made a lot more sense to me, and seemed more loving than Christianity.

What do you personally think happens after death?

I believe that I will be punished, and atone for my sins, but I will than enter the Kingdom of God.

biowtf37 karma

Don't you think the punishment for your sins is going to be worse than enduring your illness?

dignitaspatient70 karma

Yes, but the punishments will one day end.

mprey28 karma

What is your religion's stance on suicide?

dignitaspatient84 karma

I will be punished, and atone for my sins, but I will eventually enter the Kingdom of God.

Krescentia_44 karma

I honestly was baffled when I read "Dignitas" as a League of Legends gamer.

dignitaspatient193 karma

League of Legends would be able to kill me with pure boredom.

Absorrbb43 karma

Did you get the lung cancer from smoking?

dignitaspatient83 karma

Did you get the lung cancer from smoking?

No.

kikoulol1441 karma

I'm very sorry to hear of your condition. I hope you're in peace or the 4 month process will help you find it.

dignitaspatient118 karma

I do not want people to feel sorry for me, but I do want people to remember how precious, and short life can truly be. You should enjoy life while you can, and I can no longer do this so I choose to exit life as early as possible.

abom4207 karma

I know you didn't get this from smoking. But I am literally 4 days from getting quitting ciggarettes. You have no idea how much reading all this is making me want to cold turkey right now. You are so right, I don't have time to be fucking around with my health like this anymore.

I wish you the best in the end. Say hello to Abraham for me ;)

dignitaspatient14 karma

Thanks. If you continue to smoke than I will come, and haunt the shit out of you!

WingedDefeat34 karma

When did you decide you wanted to die, and what was the straw that broke the camels back, as it were?

Ignoring what your loved ones have said, how do you think voluntarily ending your life a few months ahead of schedule will effect them? Please understand, I am not being judgmental at all, I believe you should have a right to end your life as you see fit.

I hope the following months bring you as much joy as possible before you die.

dignitaspatient86 karma

When did you decide you wanted to die, and what was the straw that broke the camels back, as it were?

I've always wanted to choose my own path in life, and this has been taken away from me, and now I have the chance to take it back, and end it. You're living life sometimes struggling to breath, and others in so much agony, that no amount of diamorphine will stop it. What kind of life is this to lead?

Ignoring what your loved ones have said, how do you think voluntarily ending your life a few months ahead of schedule will effect them? Please understand, I am not being judgmental at all, I believe you should have a right to end your life as you see fit.

I think of no one, but my mother the very lady who brought me into this world, and the lady who will be with me when I leave it. I know she will have an excellent support network around her, and I hope she will find comfort that I am no longer suffering, and I will be waiting for her, and that we will meet once again.

interix36 karma

are you actually prescribed heroin, and not just the synthetic version of it..?

dignitaspatient65 karma

I am actually prescribed diamorphine (heroin). I'll post a picture if you like of the bottle?

pylori38 karma

I'd advise against posting a picture of the bottle, merely because I know you want to be careful about not revealing your location, and even removing the patients details prescription drugs often contain words that makes it easy to identify what country they were dispensed in (trade names, spelling, manufacturer, etc). Though I would also say that it is used in very few countries anyway so you may want to think about editing it out if you're worried.

dignitaspatient32 karma

Thanks. I never actually thought of that.

electropulses32 karma

How does someone who is 23 get inoperable, terminal lung cancer?

dignitaspatient133 karma

Life is a bitch, and not fair at all.

Ishikadu31 karma

As someone who will be in the position to support a friend's similar choice and action, is there anything that you wished those closest to you would have or could have done different to, for the lack of better words, make the process "better" and/or "easier"?

dignitaspatient27 karma

No. I do not think it can be made easier for me.

manateetanam30 karma

How do you imagine your final moments alive would be like?

dignitaspatient87 karma

How do you imagine your final moments alive would be like?

I imagine it will be full of tears, and joy at the same time. It will be extremely emotion for both me, and my mother. I will finally be at peace.

thisismyusernameOK26 karma

How do you prepare for your own death? How does it make you feel that assisted suicided is illegal in your country? Have you brought this up with medical professionals in your country? What sort of preparation do you take as a converted Jew? What do you look forward to?

Thank you and all the best.

dignitaspatient70 karma

How do you prepare for your own death?

Death - the last sleep? No, it is the final awakening. Walter Scott.

I've sorted the whole legal side of things in terms of wills etc, but apart from that I have not got much to prepare for my own death. It would come across as suspicious if I booked my own funeral for four months time. I've just generally given all my wishes to my mother, and made her the beneficiary of my will.

How does it make you feel that assisted suicided is illegal in your country?

I just feel that in a society where it is perfectly acceptable to put a dog to sleep if it's suffering, and/or has a terminal illness that I am worthless, and have less rights than an animal. It makes me extremely angry that I can not die in my own country, and have to leave to do so.

Have you brought this up with medical professionals in your country?

No, and I make no intentions to.

What sort of preparation do you take as a converted Jew?

I am personally praying daily to atone for my sins, and asking for forgiveness.

What do you look forward to?

I look forward to no longer being in pain, and being with God.

BigDrunkPartyAnimal26 karma

Pre-purchasing a funeral is fairly common in the US, especially for elderly and terminally ill patients. You don't set the date, but you pick out the casket, etc. and make arrangements for the bill. Your country must have something like that. It might be something you'd want to look into, and have that last bit of control.

dignitaspatient24 karma

I've spoken about things like that with my mother, and she understands my wishes.

Reggieperrin11 karma

What do you think it will be like, death?

I often wonder I have an illness nothing like yours but enough for me to pose the question to myself odd times its bad, I want to think I am reborn as someone else in the family when my turn rolls round.

So how do you see it after?

dignitaspatient45 karma

What do you think it will be like, death?

Life is made up of years that mean nothing and moments that mean it all.

I have no idea I can not explain something I have never experienced. I imagine it will be upsetting, and somewhat traumatic.

So how do you see it after?

No idea.

RoaringPanda10 karma

Loads of respect for you, I don't know how I would ever deal with something like this myself. I was just wondering, you said it's a 4 month process through Dignitas, why is that? Is that a legal requirement or is for some other reason?

dignitaspatient14 karma

Loads of respect for you, I don't know how I would ever deal with something like this myself. I was just wondering, you said it's a 4 month process through Dignitas, why is that? Is that a legal requirement or is for some other reason?

I have answered this question, but I like to answer everyone :3 In simple terms its for legal reasons.

diemunkiesdie10 karma

  1. How much does it cost to use Dignitas?
  2. Why did you pick them over other similar organizations? (Assuming there are other such organizations)
  3. Is publicly declaring your intent to commit suicide in a foreign country going to make it difficult for you to get a visa or travel there?
  4. Have you instead considered some sort of cryogenic freezing in case there is one day a cure?

dignitaspatient24 karma

How much does it cost to use Dignitas

I will find out the exact costs tomorrow, but it's a lot.

Why did you pick them over other similar organizations? (Assuming there are other such organizations)

They're respected in their field, and it's one of the main ones in Switzerland.

Is publicly declaring your intent to commit suicide in a foreign country going to make it difficult for you to get a visa or travel there?

No. Switzerland fully know my intentions, and I am a citizen of Europe, and I am allowed by their laws to enter their country with the intention of assisted suicide.

Have you instead considered some sort of cryogenic freezing in case there is one day a cure?

No. I do not like the cold, and do not want to come back.

wellysm5 karma

Hello,

This must be a hard time you're going through with your family, I will certainly keep you in my thought

I looked up Dignitas and found the following info:

Cremation Urns Found in Lake Zurich In April 2010, police divers found a group of over 60 cremation urns in Lake Zurich. Each of the urns bore the logo of the Nordheim crematorium used by Dignitas. Soraya Wernli, a former employee, had told The Times newspaper 18 months previously that Dignitas had dumped at least 300 urns in the lake. She claimed that Minelli dumped them there himself, but later asked his daughter and another member of staff to do it. In 2008 two members of Dignitas were caught trying to pour the ashes of 20 dead people into the lake.[14][15]

^ Does the above concern you at all? http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2949423/Dignitas-urns-dumped-in-lake.html

dignitaspatient16 karma

Shit. What do I care what they do with my ashes? I am dead, and nothing i can do about it than.

foot564 karma

Being that your time is limited what is one quote or message you would tell someone?

dignitaspatient24 karma

I have given this some serious thought, and I have decided on this.

A dollar make me holla honey boo boo - Honey Boo Boo Child.

That girl cracks me up, and every time I watch that video she makes me laugh, and smile.

benartmao3 karma

Hey Brother... Can i send you a digital photo frame so all of reddit can send you pictures or messages in the form of pictures?

dignitaspatient9 karma

No. I wish to remain 100% anonymous.